


Dying Light

by CobyDeCucumber



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 08:10:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 32,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14733218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CobyDeCucumber/pseuds/CobyDeCucumber
Summary: "I'm half a person, half a life, half a soul."





	1. Chapter 1

**Adam's POV**

As soon as I walk into the gay club, Don't Tell Mama in Finland, I head straight for the bar. I'm by myself since nobody else wanted to come with me. Which is fine; I look stupid dancing alone anyway.

I order a tequila and look around, trying to find somebody that I could bring back to my room. Pretty sad, I know, but it's my only chance of getting laid since Tommy is still claiming that he's straight.

A few seats away I spot a cute guy, lean, with curly blond hair, sipping on what looks like a cocktail. 

I move closer, wondering how to start a conversation. Despite what my on stage antics might suggest, I'm terrible at talking to guys. I usually ask what sign they are, but some people don't like that. I just hope he can speak English.

He glances up at me with a smile and...wow. He's cuter than I thought he was, with big blue eyes and a warm smile. Lost for words, I take the lollipop out of my pocket and put it in his mouth.

Obviously that's creepy, just shoving a lollipop into a strangers mouth without saying anything, so I immediately stumble over an apology.

“It's okay." The blond replies with a soft Finnish accent, giving the lollipop another lick before handing it back. I sigh in relief that he didn't freak out.

"What brings you to Finland? You sound American." He says.

"Work. I have some time off, so I was trying to find someone to come back to my hotel with me." I explain, "You're really pretty, so..."

“Subtle. How about you tell me your name first, then I'll come back with you? I'm Sauli." He laughs.

"Adam. How do you say it? Saw-lee?"

“No no no, that is not my name." He sasses, "It's pronounced Sow-lee."

"Sorry. Do you want to leave? It's loud in here." I ask, downing my tequila and wincing at the burn.

He finishes his drink and takes me by the hand. Just as we get to the exit he leans up on his toes and kisses me. It's nothing more than a peck but it makes me smile.

The flash surprises me and I scowl at the man holding the camera, leading Sauli out of the bar and into a cab.

We get back to my room and I realize that I don't even want to fuck him - I just miss the touch of someone new. "Do you just want to cuddle and watch a movie?" I ask sheepishly, throwing the lollipop stick in the trash.

I'm expecting him to get mad at that, storm out of my room or something, but instead he just smiles. "Sure. Only if I get to choose though."


	2. Chapter 2

**Adam's POV**

“So, your plane leaves in just over an hour?" Sauli frowns, watching as I put eyeliner on. "Yep. Norway next." I nod sadly. "Does that mean I'll never see you again?"

"Of course not. I'll come back to Finland as soon as I can. Why don't you give me your phone number? Then we can arrange to meet up again." I suggest. 

He perks up at that, putting his number into my phone when I hand it to him. 

I hear a knock at my door, so while Sauli awkwardly sits on the bed, I open it to reveal Tommy. "Hey, man." I block his path when he tries to walk in like usual.

"What do you want? I'm busy." I ask. He looks past me and sees Sauli, giving me an understanding nod. "Sorry. I was just bored. I'll see you at the airport."

I close the door and Sauli frowns again. "Who's that?" "My bassist." I shrug, but he's clearly impressed by that. "You have a bassist?" "Of course. I'm a horrible singer without a band. They're what make me sound good." I laugh.

"I bet you're a good singer without them." He tuts. "Thanks, but there's no point in complimenting me now, I don't have time to fuck." "There's always next time." He smirks.

I pick my phone up, groaning when I see the text message. "My manager is telling me to hurry up. I wish I could bring you with me. Are you going to be okay?" 

"I'll be fine." He nods, helping me stuff my clothes back into my bags. "Do you want a ride home? I usually take my own car, so nobody will know. Actually, I'm going to be a gentleman and give you one anyway."

“I can walk. It's no problem." He says. "I have to do something nice for you." I pick my bags up and carry them down to the lobby, Sauli trailing behind me.

Isaac, my drummer, gives me a smirk and I curse under my breath. I forgot the band would be here. "We'll be late. Get in your cars." I tell them, going straight to mine and climbing in after Sauli as the driver puts my stuff in the trunk.

"Where do you live?" I ask him. He sighs, giving me a shrug. "I'm staying at a friend's house for a while." 

"Oh geez. I'm sorry. Where do they live?" I frown. "Yrjönkatu. If you drop me at the bus station it's only a minute walk. Thank you so much."

"It's the least I could do," I smile, "So, did you grow up in Finland? Your English is really good." "I moved to San Diego when I was 12, then back to Hyvinkää when I was 17."

"Wait seriously? What high school did you go to?" I ask. "Mt. Carmel." "Did you say your last name is Koskinen? I think I remember you!" I tell him excitedly.

“I think I do too...Wasn't you that ginger kid that did theatre?" He laughs. I roll my eyes, giving him a playful shove. "You were pretty much my only friend. It's crazy that we bumped into each other again."

I see the bus station, so I ask the driver to stop for a second and Sauli pouts. " _Kiitos_. I owe you." He smiles. "What does that mean?" "Thank you."

"I'll use that next time I'm here. I'll text you, alright? Stay safe." I give him one last kiss, watching him get out and start walking down the street.

I wave out the window, slouching down in my seat as we drive out of view, missing him already.


	3. Chapter 3

**Adam's POV**

"Why are you sulking?" Monte, my guitarist, asks. "I'm not." I huff, kicking a cushion off the couch onto Tommy's head. "Do you miss blondie?" 

"I'm right here!" Tommy scowls, throwing the cushion at me. "Not you," Monte rolls his eyes, "The blond guy that got into Adam's car yesterday." "It was just a one night thing, why would he sulk over that?" Tommy frowns.

"It was hardly a one night thing, we didn't even fuck. We just cuddled then I gave him a ride home in the morning." I tell them. "So you do miss him." Monte concludes. 

“Since when are my hook ups any of your business? Don't you have a job to do?" I reply sourly. "We have the day off, remember? I was going to ask if you wanted to get breakfast, but if you're just going to sulk..."

“I'll come to breakfast. Adam gets super moody when he sulks, it's so annoying." Tommy says, getting up. "Just go. Let me wallow in self pity." I sigh dramatically, waving them off.

They laugh at that and I smile, but they go out and leave me in my room alone, craving Sauli back in my arms.

***

I hear Monte going into his room and my door opens, Tommy climbing up onto my bed. I grab his hair and flip him under me.

I kiss him, slowly working his shirt over his head. He stops my hands, sighing as I frown. "We can't do this, Adam." "Why? You like it."

“I like it when you kiss me," He corrects, "A mouth is a mouth, it doesn't matter who it belongs to. But we're just friends and I'm straight."

“Why are you still saying that? I can feel that you're hard!" I ask. "Because kissing feels good, but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with you. Do you really miss Sauli that much?"

"What do you mean? This has nothing to do with him." I scowl. "I think it does. He's not here, so you're trying to fill in that space with whoever you can, and apparently that's me."

“You're acting as if I've just broken up from a 3 year relationship with him. I've only seen him once. He's just like all the others." I roll my eyes, laying down next to Tommy since it's obvious this isn't working.

"Well, I don't have feelings for you, Adam. On stage we can mess around, but off stage, we're just friends and you're my boss."

“I get it. Just leave." I sigh. He pouts, slipping his shirt back on. "We can still hang out, I just don't want to fuck. You like Sauli-"

“I said get out! Quit making everything about him!" I snap. He gets off the bed and tuts, taking his earphones off the couch. "Come find me when you quit being moody."

I give him the middle finger as he closes the door behind him and grab my phone, texting Sauli.

**Sauli's POV**

I nearly fall off of my bed, which is actually a couch, when I hear my phone make a noise. I pick it up and make out the text through blurry eyes.

Adam:

You up?

 

Sauli:

I am now

 

Adam:

Sorry :( I'm just bored

 

Sauli:

Go out with your band?

 

Adam:

Apparently I'm sulking so they don't want to be around me

 

Sauli:

:/

 

Adam:

Can I call you?

 

Sauli:

One second

 

I see Niklas stumble into the living room, ripping the blanket off of me. "I want you out. You don't pay for anything around here and I have somebody more grateful needing it more than you do."

"Please, I'm trying to find a job. I don't have anywhere else to go." I panic, getting up. He picks up my bag and throws it at me. Luckily, I catch it, clutching it close to my chest. "Out!"

He shoves me towards the door, and just like that, I'm homeless again. I sigh angrily, kicking at the snow on the pavement. I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket with Adam calling me, so I answer.

"Hey." He says happily. "Hi." I mumble, trying to sling my bag onto my back. "That doesn't sound good. What's up?" 

"I got kicked out. Tyhmä paskiainen." I tell him. "Oh shit. What did you call him?" "A stupid bastard. You don't know anyone that I can stay with, do you?" I ask.

"No, sorry. But you can't stay on the streets. Text me your PayPal and I'll send you some money so you can get a hotel, and if you don't have anywhere once my tour is over, you can move in with me."

"That's really sweet, Adam, but I can't. Thank you though. I'll find a shelter or something." I say. "Why? It's not safe in shelters, and you're moving in with me wether you like it or not."

"I won't be able to pay you back for ages. It's not worth it." I look at the street signs, trying to find somewhere to go.

"I don't care about being payed back, Sauli. Text me before I get you a plane ticket to Oslo and bring you on this tour." I groan, thanking him again as I text him my PayPal.


	4. Chapter 4

**_[2 month time skip]_ **

  **Adam's POV**

"Is that everything?" I ask breathlessly, looking for more boxes of Sauli's stuff, although he only had 3 in the first place. "I think so. Thank you for helping."

"It's the least I could do. Do you want to go out for a drink?" I suggest. "Of course. Just let me put a clean shirt on and find where I put my deodorant."

After changing clothes and freshening up a bit, I grab the keys to my black Mustang and drive to the bar I usually go to. 

Sauli immediately spots the pool table and pulls me over since it's not being used, so while he sets it up, I go to get two beers. Usually I'd get something heavier, like tequila, but I have to be responsible since I'm driving.

When I start going back to the pool table, I see two guys crowded around a rather scared looking Sauli. 

Obviously I rush over, just as one of them slaps him on the ass with a comment of, "Come on, faggot, don't you want someone that'll treat you properly?"

I'm not sure why it angers me so much, but my heart pounds in my ears and my blood begins to boil, heat radiating beneath my skin, adrenaline prickling in my nerves.

At the periphery of my vision, everything has become ink black. I'm only aware of the carbon inside of me, screaming at me to do something.

I feel my thoughts distort as my eyes start feeling heavy. I see everything before me in a dizzying blur, then fade into darkness.

 **Sauli's** **POV**

I see Adam storming over to me, eyes dead. No anger registers on his face and he's not going red - It's just blank. 

Before I can do anything, Adam's dropped the beers in his hand, got the guy that slapped my ass against the wall, 3 inches off the floor, by his larynx. He doesn't have his hand around his throat, his fingers are embedded in his neck and the guy's gurgling, his face going a deep red.

Adam's hand goes for the keys in his pocket, most likely about to stab him, so I clamp down on his hands and babble, "Adam, woah." 

He looks at me, eyes now a rich golden colour but still as empty as anything. He drops the guy and blinks, face coming back to life, before apologising and going off to get more beers.

The guy on the floor leaves in a hurry with his friend, and I'm left shocked by what I just saw. I didn't know Adam could be like that. Imagine if the situation was worse - What would he have done then?

What scared me the most were his eyes. There was no anger, no rage, no emotion at all. He just switched off and was about to kill the dude. I don't think it's normal for someone's eyes to go golden, either.

Adam come back with two more beers and plants a kiss in my hair, acting as if nothing happened for the rest of the night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Adam's POV**

Sauli plants a kiss on my cheek, waking me up. I smile at him, rubbing my eyes as he holds up a tray. "I brought you breakfast in bed. Happy one month anniversary, _kulta_."

“Thank you. I can't believe it's our anniversary already." I sit up and he puts the tray on my lap, sitting next to me with one of his own. I kiss him before eating, thanking him multiple more times. 

I get in the shower while Sauli takes the plates into the kitchen and washes them up, luckily not affecting the temperature of the water.

I get dressed; light brown cardigan, white tshirt, and light blue jeans, adding a necklace then fluffing my brown hair up.

I’ve toned it down recently, no more black, emo hair, eyeliner and crazy, almost costume like clothes - Just me. I'm feeling a lot more of a natural look now.

I lay down next to Sauli on the bed, giving him a cuddle before I see Neil's name flash up on my phone as it rings, so I answer. "Hello?" 

“You need to come to Kindred Hospital in San Diego, right now. Dad's going to die." He tells me, sounding strangely calm.

“What?" I shoot up, making Sauli give me a panicked look. I put on the first pair of black combat boots that I see and drag Sauli into the car while Neil explains.

"He was super sick. You know, vomiting, diarrhea, difficulty swallowing - That kind of stuff. He just thought it was really bad flu, but he went to the hospital anyway and he doesn't have long left."

I speed down the road, going straight through multiple red lights. Sauli clutches onto his seat as I swerve round a corner, nearly crashing into an oncoming car.

"What happened? If it's not flu, what is it?" I ask. "Ricin poisoning." "I don't know what that means, Neil! Dumb it down!" I snap.

"It's a really fine powder from castor oil beans. The hospital thinks that he just accidentally took too much, since it's quite lethal, even in small doses. The symptoms all seem to match up and the test came back positive for it." He says.

"If it's something as stupid as that then there must be some way to cure it. Why are they just letting him die?!" 

"They're not letting him die for no good reason, there's no antidote. His death is inevitable. I did some research on Google and apparently his liver and kidneys are failing and he's rapidly getting worse, so if you don't hurry up you might not even get to say goodbye."

"I'm on Hollywood Boulevard. I'll be there in an hour and a half, assuming I'm not pulled over for speeding. Did you tell mom?" I grit out, trying to figure out the way with the least amount of traffic.

"I'm about to call her, but I thought it would be more important to get you here first. You know that they haven't properly spoken since the divorce, so she's probably not going to come." He answers.

"Okay. I'll see you in a while. Call me if anything else happens." I hang up and throw my phone into Sauli's lap, who looks more confused than ever. "Go onto Maps and find the fastest route to Kindred Hospital."

***

I run through the hospital trying to find where dad is, with Sauli running after me, just in his socks.

I spot Neil, so I rush into the room and see dad laying in the bed with an oxygen tube in his nose. 

Dad's girlfriend, Amy Wallen, is sitting there too, and I return her fake smile. Neither of us like each other. She uses me and my dad for money and wrote some stupid article about me last year.

I turn around when I hear dad quietly calling my name. I didn't think he was awake. Neil texted me just before I got there that he only has minutes left at this point after suffering a heart attack.

I give him a hug, not wanting to let go until he groans. I pull up a chair and Sauli pulls one up next to mine, while Neil sits next to Amy on the other side.

"Who's this?" He asks. "My boyfriend, Sauli." "I'm glad I could meet you, sir." Sauli adds awkwardly. Dad smiles softly, eyes glossing over.

"Dad." Neil shakes his arm and he looks back at me. "I love you. You know that, right? I'm so proud of you." 

"I know. I love you so much." I nod, trying not to cry. I feel Sauli put his hand on my leg.

"I should have told you this years ago, but...You've got a twin." Dad tells me. Sauli gives me a look of confusion, which I return. 

"He's waiting at the Greenfell Motel for you. I was hoping he could stay with you for a while." Dad carries on, pausing for a shallow coughing fit before speaking again in a much weaker tone. "His name is Dark, and-"

He coughs again, this time spraying his hand in blood and I can tell he's about to take his last breath. "I love you. And I'm sure Dark can stay for a bit." I sniff, taking his hand in mine.

Neil tries to clean up the blood, then hands me a tissue and I wipe away the stray tears that managed to roll down my cheeks. Dad's eyes close and I tighten my grip on his hand.

"Please. Don't go." Neil whimpers. "Dad, please." I rub my thumb over his hand, noticing his breathing seemingly stop. We sit there in silence for a minute before I squeeze his hand. "Dad?"

"He's gone." Amy sighs, not even looking upset. Neil gives her an angry look and I see a nurse come in. I get up and walk out of the room before she can say anything, Sauli chasing after me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sauli's POV**

Adam finally pulls up at the Greenfell Motel, wiping his eyes one last time. Dark is probably getting sick of waiting by now, since Adam cried for a solid 50 minutes when we got back in the car.

I don't blame him though, I'd be distraught too. I don't even think his dad was even sick, as far as I know, it was unexpected. Whatever happened, Adam's suddenly got a twin.

I must have misheard his name, because I doubt someone would name their kid 'Dark'. Maybe it's an American thing, but it seems stupid to me.

"Are you going to stay here? I was in such a rush, I didn't even think of getting you shoes." He asks, voice wrecked. "Yeah. Take your time."

He walks into the motel and I'm left alone, playing around with the radio. All the music is terrible, and they're not playing any of Adam's stuff since, according to him, he's a "solid C-List celebrity."

Maybe 10 minutes later, Adam comes back out, with who I assume is his twin. I'm shocked by how genuinely  _similar_ they look, it's almost perfect. The only differences are that Dark has jet black hair instead of brown.

I take in his appearance, and it's like looking at Adam before he toned it down. A black trench coat with the collar turned up and a black tshirt underneath, plus black jeans and black boots.

They come closer and I can examine Dark better. He has the  _exact same_ necklace, earrings and rings as Adam. He has black eyeliner around his eyes, which aren't blue like Adam's, they're-

_Fuck._

Dark's eyes meet mine and I freeze for a second. He has the same yellow, empty eyes that Adam had when the situation in the bar happened.

"I'm Sauli, Adam's boyfriend." I greet after a second, offering him an innocent smile. He just raises an eyebrow and scoffs, getting into the back.

"Don't be an asshole." Adam sighs wearily, getting into the drivers seat. "I'm Dark. So, dad's finally kicked the bucket then?" Dark says cheerfully. So, that apparently _is_ his name.

"Do you want a place to stay or not?!" Adam snaps, the car jerking forward as he puts it into drive. Dark stays quiet and Adam drives us home.

"This isn't exactly how I managed you two meeting." I mumble, looking out of the window. "Me neither. Somebody clearly woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Adam rolls his eyes.

Something just doesn't feel right about Dark. I can't put my finger on it, but something just feels _off_. Maybe it's the eyes, or the way he's just so casual.

We get back home and Adam goes straight to the bedroom, so I offer to help Dark with his bags. I've got to be polite, right? Except he grabs my wrists, squeezing them so hard I think he might break them.

"Hands off. I'll chop them off next time." He growls. He shoves me backwards and I crash into a potted plant, watching as he goes into the guest room and slams the door shut.

I get up and pick the plant up, finding Adam laying on the bed. I hug him tight, rubbing his back as he breaths raggedly.

"I didn't mean to ruin our anniversary. I'm sorry." He sniffs, nuzzling into my shirt. "It's okay, _rakkaus._  You didn't ruin it at all. Sometimes, things happen that are completely out of our control."

"I should have asked you before I let Dark move in. I don't even like him. He gives me weird vibes." He frowns. I breath out a sigh of relief, knowing I'm not the only one.

"It's only temporary. You can talk to Neil tomorrow and try to arrange stuff. You need to rest for now." He doesn't try to argue with me and just moves closer to me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Adam's POV**

I look over at Sauli, who's sleeping like an angel. I woke him up in the middle of the night because I was crying, and he refused to go back to sleep until I did.

He stirs as I put my arm around him, kissing the top of his head. His eyes flutter open and he rolls over, nuzzling his face into my chest.

"Morning, sunshine." I say softly, planting another kiss in his hair. He mumbles something, quickly going back to sleep. I smile and hold him closer.

I hear something in the kitchen and I groan quietly, realising Dark is probably up. I don't know what his issue is, but I wish he was somebody else's twin.

The  _something_ turns into  _banging_ and I groan a little louder. I manage to slip out of bed without disturbing Sauli and I put shirt on, going downstairs.

Dark's standing in the kitchen, microwave door open and a pomegranate in hand. "What's all the noise about?" I scowl.

"You didn't make breakfast, so I tried to make popcorn. It didn't go too well, so I got this instead." He explains, tossing the pomegranate in the air and catching it.

"If you had waited-" "I'm not interested in waiting. If I'm hungry, I'm not going waste my time." He rolls his eyes. "Isn't it a little early to have contacts in?"

"You mean the yellow?" He laughs, "They're not contacts. There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me."

"Yeah, because I didn't know that you existed until yesterday. Did you know about me?" I ask. "Duh. While you and Neil were happy little kids living a happy little childhood, I was stowed away in the attic. That's why your costume box was always out, because mom didn't want you finding me."

"You just watched an interview where I mentioned that." I scoff. "I remember that on our sixth birthday, you had a birthday party and I was angry that I wasn't allowed to come down. I made a bunch of noise and you were crying to mom because you thought it a murderer."

"You could have just asked mom about that. Tell me something else." I pester. "Do you remember that time your girlfriend broke up with you? Dad had been painting your room so you weren't allowed in there and you sulked up to the attic.

You looked in the big, white mirror only to fine that there was no glass in it at all and the 'reflection' looking back at you wasn't your reflection at all. You told mom about it and she made you talk to the guidance counsellor at school. She told me I wasn't allowed to interact with you or Neil at all and you were banned from the attic."

"I probably said that before too." I huff, closing the microwave door. "You really don't believe me, do you? How about when Neil walked in on you and Bridget-"

"That's  _enough_ ," I say firmly, "Fine, I believe you, it's just weird. Why were you made to stay in the attic? That's just far fetched." "Ask mom. I still messed with you two from time to time - I stole her purple lipstick and you got the blame for it."

I roll my eyes and he crushes the pomegranate in his hand. "What? I didn't want it." He drops it in the trash and goes back to his room. I sigh and sit on the couch, phoning mom.

She answers after a few rings, greeting me cheerfully, then asking about dad. "Hi, mom. I'm still upset about dad. He told me about Dark, you know. He's staying with me."

"Dark?" She asks, trying to seem clueless. "My twin. What's going on, and why is he such an asshole?" "I'll explain next time I see you. Is everything else okay?"

I try to bring up the topic of Dark again, but she completely ignores it and eventually hangs up, so I sigh angrily and go back to Sauli.


	8. Chapter 8

**Adam's POV**

Mom hugs me as she comes in, sitting on the couch. "Where's Sauli?" "He went out to try and find a job. Dark's in his room. Should I go get him?" I answer.

"That's okay." She shakes her head, so I sit next to her. "I'm sorry about Eber. I would have come to the hospital, but, you know..." She trails off, but I know she means the divorce that they got when I was 18.

"Yeah, I get it. I wasn't expecting it at all, or Dark. Why did you never tell me about him?" I frown. "It was for your own good. Dark's a bad influence."

"Quit talking to me like I'm 5. I'm pretty sure locking your kid in the attic for their entire life is multiple forms of abuse."

"He wasn't locked up there for his entire life, that was his bedroom. He just wasn't allowed downstairs while you and Neil were around. It seems harsh, I know, and it was a hard decision to make. He has a lot of problems and when you two were around 4 and we had Neil, everything escalated and it just wasn't safe for him to be around you two anymore."

"Why? What 4 year old is that bad?" "You'd be surprised. He's wired differently,  _very_ differently. He tried to drown Neil when he was only a few days old and he put you in the oven once he learnt how to walk, luckily it wasn't on."

"Here we have my own mother making me out as a disgusting criminal, when in fact, it's actually all your precious  _Light's_  fault," I stiffen at the bitter voice, seeing Dark towering over me with his arms crossed, "And a hard decision? I remember you telling me to go up into the attic when grandma came round then you said that it's my new room. It seems like a pretty easy decision to me."

Mom gets up to hug him, but he sits down opposite me before she can. "Give mom a hug." I frown. "She's no mother of mine." He hisses.

I expect him to hit me for a second, since he's been doing that a lot in the last couple of days, but instead he just continues to act like a toddler.

Ican see that his comment hurts her,but she just sighs and sits back down. "Why don't I tell you the truth, instead of her telling the biased version?" Dark suggests, "So, let's start. Mom was only meant to have one kid; Adam. Although what she got was twins, two  _halves_  of Adam; Light and Dark."

"That's the truthful version?" I laugh, not believing him for a second. "You got pretty much the good end of the deal. I got stuck with everything left over, and a bitter hatred for the person who did that to me."

I roll my eyes as he continues. "In my case, it's called schizoid personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder, with a little bit of unspecified dissociative disorder sprinkled in **,** and you have that last one too."

"Alright, WebMD. Go back to your room, and take the stupid contacts out.""I got a professional diagnosis, and they're not contact lenses. I have golden eyes."

"And I'm the queen of England," I say sarcastically, "I like Halloween too, but it's in October. There's no need for contacts right now."

He lunges forward and puts his hands on either side of my head, digging his thumbs, hard, into my eyes as he growls. "Accept it. I have golden eyes, and you're about to have bloody ones."

I try to kick him off, as it obviously hurts, but he's stronger and I cry out, digging my nails into his hands.

"Adrian!" Mom scolds. He lets go instantly, turning to her. He doesn't hit her, but his hands clench into shaking fists and he gives mom an unimaginable anger-filled look. "I  _told you_  to  _never_  call me that. " "You can't attack your brother." She replies calmly. "I'll do whatever I like. It's time for you to leave."

"Knock it off. It's my house." I scowl. He punches me forcefully in the side of the head and grabs mom's bag off of the floor while I hold my head in my hands, groaning. He opens the front door and flings the bag outside, screaming at mom to leave.

Despite me telling her not to, she does, and Dark slams the door closed so hard that the wooden doorframe splits. Next, he storms towards me and lets out an angry snarl, dragging me up the stairs by my hair. I feel my teeth rattle and blood splatter on my chin as he punches me in the mouth as presumably Sauli comes home.

**Sauli's POV**

I hear Adam shout my name and some banging, so I rush upstairs, where Dark has his fingers threaded in his hair and is repeatedly slamming his head into our bedroom door.

He continues doing it until the door breaks and Adam falls through, landing in the bedroom. Dark smiles as I stand still, paralysed in fear, wondering what I missed.

Adam lays there, silently for a moment, before letting out a lifeless groan. Dark steps over him and pats him on the back, as if he's trying to wake him up. He laughs quietly, then starts to taunt Adam.

"Light, are you awake? C'mon, Light. Are you awake?" He laughs again, then stands with a satisfied sigh. He nudges Adam with his foot, gives me a sadistic smirk and walks back downstairs.

I manage to kneel besides Adam, shaking him gently and trying to make him wake up. After what feels like ten minutes, he finally stands up and wobbles into the bathroom, and I hear his body thump to the floor again.

I see the dark red smear on the tiles first, and brace myself as I roll him over, revealing his bloody, tear streaked face. I shudder and wet a cloth, washing off as much as I can before dragging him into the bedroom, careful not to hurt him on the broken door, hoisting him up onto the bed.

He winces in pain and I realise that he's barely conscious. I think about taking him to the hospital, but Dark would be angry, and I don't even have a license or visa or anything to legally let me drive in America. Besides, he'll probably he fine soon - He'll just have a headache.

I fill up a glass with water from the bathroom and leave it on the bedside table along with some painkillers, then start picking up all the bits from the door.


	9. Chapter 9

**Adam's POV**

I jolt with a start as I hear the car start. I look over at Dark, before resting my head against the window with a whimper as a mind-splitting pain overcomes me. He glances at me, chuckling softly. "Morning, sleepyhead."

"Where are we going?" I mumble. "Just to Walmart for a couple of things. Sauli think's we're going to the hospital, but I don't think you need to be there. If I wanted to put you in hospital, I would have done worse than that. So, start thinking about what they said to you."

" _Vittu_ _tätä paskaa_ _._ " He scowls as I say it, which is one of my favourite phrases in Finnish. "That better not be anything bad, or I'll put your head through the car door next." "It means 'fuck this shit'." I tell him.

I grip onto my seat as he starts driving. Maybe this is how Sauli felt when I was rushing to the hospital, which is probably where I should be going right now.

There's an elderly woman crossing the road, so he sticks his out of the window and shouts, "Hey, Jennifer Slowpez! Get out of the way!" Which makes me laugh slightly. He eventually parks outside Walmart, and I relax back into my seat.

"Stay here. If you're missing when I come back, I'll make you regret it." He warns, getting out and walking in. I look through the glovebox for some painkillers since I usually keep some in there, but they're gone.

I look in the car's rearview-mirror and wince. There's a big cut on my forehead, barely healed, and smaller ones littering the rest of my face, along with a few unsightly bruises, a split lip and crusted blood around my nose.

I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and  sigh, relived that it's still in there. I fish it out and answer after seeing Neil's name. "There's an A carved into dad's stomach." He tells me, leaving no time for a greeting. "Is that normal?" I frown.

"No. It got there  _after_  he died, which means somebody did it to him. I think dad was murdered." "That's crazy, Neil. It's probably just some secret coroner code." I sigh. "No, it was clearly done with a knife or something. His death wasn't an accident. I mean, sudden poisoning? That doesn't happen."

"It was a mistake, the hospital told us that he accidentally took too much." "He doesn't even like castor oil beans, and you'd have to take it over a period of days! This looks so shady and you can't even see it!" He snaps.

I see Dark coming out of the store, so I start to panic. "Quit making up conspiracy theories, this kind of stuff happens all the time. I need to go." "But-" "Bye." I hang up and shove my phone back in my pocket as Dark gets into the car.

"Good, you're still here. I got you some presents," He digs through the plastic bag and brings out some strong painkillers, baby wipes, a needle and some thread, "I have to make it look like I took you to the hospital, don't I?"

"Why don't you just actually take me?" I ask as he wipes away the rest of the blood. "How am I meant to do that? We both look like Adam, and neither of us have a good reason for why you'd end up there so bloody."

"So you're admitting that you didn't have a good reason?" "I was angry, and it taught you a lesson, didn't it?" He shrugs. "Maybe it could have if I knew what I did wrong, but you got mad at mom, not me." I point out.

"I meant that it taught you that you're pathetic. You didn't even try to fight me, you just let me beat you up. Although, I don't blame you. I'm much stronger; physically, mentally and emotionally. I could easily overpower you. " He says, putting the thread through the needle.

"I don't think stitches are a good idea-" I protest. "I could easily kill you," He carries on, choosing to ignore me, "I'm not going to yet, though. The fun's barely starting. Now sit still, because if I mess this up, you won't enjoy it."

He does the first couple of stitches in the big cut, rolling his eyes when I squeeze mine shut and tears roll down my cheeks. "Such a baby." He tuts, trying to finish the rest of them while I struggle to pull away.

"Why do you always hurt me? We're meant to be brothers." I sniff. "I can't be gentle. It's just not how I'm programmed. I can try, but someone always ends up getting hurt." "You haven't even tried to be gentle with me." "I'm doing it right now."

"You did this to me though. Why did you get so hostile when mom called you Adrian?" I ask. "Because it reminds me of how unwanted I am. Imagine being the second-best for everything. I changed my name because it means dark, and it seems a bit more suitable, don't you think? Especially since we're not whole people."

"I know what it's like to be second-best." I mutter. "No, you don't. You've never been told that you're a disappointment, a failure, a  _mistake_. You've always been the centre of attention, you've never been locked away and made out like you simply don't exist. And don't you dare say that you know what its like ever again.

You've always been wanted and beautiful and smart and appreciated. You've never sat on the bathroom floor, looking at your reflection in the shattered glass of the mirror and begging yourself to stay strong for one more day, just in the hope that your parents will tell you that its just a joke and to come to dinner with the rest of the family. You don't know. You've never been through a quarter of the shit I've had to deal with!" He snaps.

"Dark, I...I'm sorry. I didn't realise it was so hard for you." I frown. "Of course you didn't, because you're just  _perfect_ , living your happy perfect little life! You've got people who care about you, a big house, cars, money, a lover, and you're doing what you love! And I've got scars and a fucked up past! You're so close-minded, it makes me so angry! Just shut up!"

I look over at him and he's wiping his eyes with his sleeve, throwing the bag angrily into the back of the car. "Are you crying?" I whisper, almost shocked, because I've never seen him so upset before.

I'm met with a fist in my face and another scream of, "Shut up!". I cup my cheek in my hand, trying not to whimper at the pain. "Just be quiet!" He punches me again and I hit my head on the window, blacking out.

When I wake up again, the car isn't moving and the stitches in my head are finished. Dark's quick to hand me a bottle of water and two headache tablets, so I swallow them. "I didn't mean to get so angry at you. I just really hate it."

"It's alright." I say, noticing that it's not as bright outside anymore. "I waited until you woke up to bring you home, because I didn't want Sauli to get angry that I hit you again. Are you feeling okay?"

I nod, so he puts the key in the ignition and calmly drives home, glancing over at me every few minutes. I give him a reassuring smile each time and I see him slowly relax. I don't know why he's acting so differently now. I doubt he feels bad, I don't even think that's possible for him, but at least he's not still shouting.

He parks the car in the garage and helps me out, leading me up to the bedroom, where the door is fixed, and lays me on the bed. "Try to sleep. I'll check up on you in the morning." He looks into my eyes for what feels like a solid minute before placing a small kiss on my forehead and hurrying out of the room.


	10. Chapter 10

**Adam's POV**

Dark comes into the room without knocking on the door and I pull the covers up over my bare chest. "How are you feeling?" "My head really hurts. I took some painkillers a few minutes ago though."

"You've got an interview today. If you're feeling that terrible, I could go for you." He offers. "I appreciate it, but it wouldn't work." "It has several times before. We look exactly identical, and you dye your hair so often that they don't question it."

"You intervened with my job?" I say angrily. "It's quite fun. Especially the confused look on your face when you don't remember doing something." He nods. "You can't do that."

"I always have, even before you got famous. Besides, how are you going to explain your face? You stay home. I know exactly what to talk about, so don't worry." He leaves the room before I can protest. He  _does_  have a point, I don't have a good reason for showing up looking the way I look.

I get out of bed and shower. Sauli went out to sort some things out so that he's able to work here. I tried explaining to him that he doesn't need to get a job, because I earn enough from my solo career and the couple of shows that I do with Queen, but he wasn't having any of it.

Dark's leaving the house by the time I go downstairs, and he doesn't bother with a goodbye. I sigh and go into the kitchen, finding some eggs to make an omelette with.

It's weird just cooking for me, because usually I'm making something for Sauli too. It's strange how used I am to having him around. I'm not sure what I'd do if he wasn't here at all.

I sit on the couch once my breakfast is ready and I watch a little bit of TV, but I quickly get bored. I never know what to do with myself when I'm not working, and since I've been relaxing for a while after finishing up the Glam Nation tour, I'm running out of things to do.

I put my plate in the dishwasher, then text my friend Joey if he wants to hang out. When he says yes, I put some shoes on and go out, seeing the black Mustang missing from the garage, so I guess I'm walking.

I know it might be a little risky going out at the same time, but most interviews are recorded in advance anyway, so it wouldn't seem suspicious that I'm in two places at one time. I don't get recognised much anyway.

Joey, his boyfriend and I end up going to the cinema to see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo in the evening, then going to Hugo's Restaraunt after. While we're eating, I get a text from Dark, that says that he's going to go out for a drink with Sauli. That's a little out of the ordinary, but maybe he just wants to spend time with him.

Not even 4 hours later, as I'm changing out of my clothes, I get a text from my manager, saying that when I'm sober and out of jail in the morning, we need to have a serious talk.

Obviously, standing in my closet with nothing but socks on, I'm confused, until I realise that Dark and Sauli went out for drinks, and that we look identical.

Igroan to myself, realising that something happened, and if my manager is texting me about it, then the paparazzi probably caught it.

I go onto Twitter and I see the articles about 'me', getting into a fight where I hit my boyfriend, then getting arrested.

If Dark hit Sauli, I'll kick him out of the house. He can hit me as much as he'd like to, but anything else is stepping over the line and uncalled for.

There's a couple of pictures, kind of grainy but definitely those two, and even a video. I press play, feeling sick to my stomach at what I see.

I can't make out what they're saying, but Dark's screaming at Sauli, who alternates between shouting back and backing away, then Dark punches him hard enough that he staggers backwards and falls over, clutching his nose.

Dark then proceeds to kick Sauli multiple times, not caring that he's crying out, only stopping when a policeman grabs him and pulls him backwards.

The video ends there and I have to put my phone down to stop myself from throwing it at the wall in a fit of anger. I  _glare_  at it, hands shaking, Sauli's crying ringing in my ears.

I decide to have another shower, my second one of the day, cold this time to try and calm me down. My manager might need to talk to me, but I need to talk to Dark first.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // rape

**Adam's POV**

As soon as I hear the front door open, I start walking down the stairs. Only Dark comes in, which makes me even more infuriated. "Where's Sauli?"

"He had to stay behind to write a statement." He shrugs, fluffing up his black hair. "And you left him there?" "He told me not to wait and that he would walk."

"Why did you hit him? And don't say because you were drunk, that's not an excuse." I ask.

"We were  _both_  drunk. We started arguing because he was dancing with some guy and I told him that he can't do that. We got kicked out and things just went from there." He tells me.

"That doesn't mean that you can hit him! How would you feel if I hit you?" I say as he pushes past me on the stairs. I follow him up, pestering him until he turns around.

"That's different. You don't have a good reason to hit me, where as I was trying to stop my big brother's boyfriend from dancing with some random man."

My hand starts to sting as I slap him hard across the face. "How do you f-" I'm cut off as I fly backwards, slamming against the wall.

Confused, because I didn't even feel him touch me, I'm being lifted up and thrown onto my bed. He pins me down, knees either side of my hips, both hands clutching my throat.

His thumbs dig into the pressure point and I clench my teeth at the pain, my head quickly throbbing as I start to feel lightheaded. My throat feels as if it's getting crushed and I claw at his hands, struggling to get him off.

Luckily he lets go, but only for a second to pull a knife out of his boot and cut my shirt off. "Dark? What are you doing?!" I panic, trying to get up.

He drags the knife down my chest for that and I groan in pain as he pushes me back against the bed. Blood trickles down my skin and I attempt to kick him as he tugs my pants off.

"Knock it off!" I whimper, watching hopelessly as he pulls his shirt and pants off too, pushing my legs apart and lifting my hips up.

" _Dark!_ " I shout as he gets back up on the bed. His fingers feel like blades as they run up my thighs. "Shut up." He finally growls, shoving himself inside of me, without preparation, lube or a condom.

I arch off the bed, mouth open in a silent scream, tears spilling out of my eyes and over my cheeks. His hands are back on my throat, squeezing the air out of me as he slams inside of me, repeatedly.

There's nothing I can do, I just feel so small. Makeup running down my face, I feel disgusted at the tears and sweat.

Black spots invade my vision and I'm trying desperately to get him off of me, to no avail. He's just too  _strong_ , and I'm just too  _weak_.

"Shut the fuck up and just take it, or it'll be a lot worse." He hisses, taking his hands off of my throat and slamming my wrists down, either side of my head, gripping them so tight I can feel them bruise and I think he's going to break them.

The pain blurs everything together and I'm fading in and out of consciousness. I'm not even sure if I'm screaming, kicking desperately, gasping for air as sobs rack through my body.

At some point I must pass out, because I wake up, face down, shuddering slightly. I smell that all too familiar smell of come on my body and I realise it's dried on my skin - On my chest, my stomach and the backs of my thighs.

Feeling sick to my stomach, I get off the bed, spotting the blood on the previously white sheets and cry out at the pain in my ass. I was hoping that maybe it was just a dream, but it feels too real, pain shooting through me.

I hobble to the shower and flip it on, letting the water mix with my tears as I scrub myself with the soap frantically.

I see the red lines on my skin where Dark must have cut me with the knife, some deeper than others and a long, jagged one on my stomach.

Jumping, I tense as I feel the body pressing into my back, but it's not hard and rough like Dark's. It's small and soft, and I turn around, burying my face into Sauli's shoulder.

"Are you alright,  _kulta_?" He asks in that soothing Finnish accent, rubbing my back as I cry. I shake my head, feeling myself shivering. "What happened?"

I stutter out the words, choking as I struggle to get them out. "Raped? What does that mean?" He frowns. "Dark had sex with me, without my permission." I sob.

I feel his arms tighten around me, holding me even tighter. "Why?" "I hit him." I tell him. "You're going to be okay. I won't let him do it to you again.  _Minä rakastan sinua_."

I've heard him say that on the phone to his family before and it makes me cry even harder. "I love you too."

He lets go and gasps at the cuts, running his fingers over them lightly. "Was that Dark too?" I just nod, ashamed that I let it happen. "I'm so sorry. I wish I was here to stop it."

"It's my fault. I-I shouldn't have hit him." I mumble, washing the rest of the soap off. "It's not your fault at all." Sauli spits.

He wraps me in a towel when I step out and grabs one for himself. I rush to dry and get dressed, just so I don't feel so exposed. He cuddles with me until the last of the tears have stopped falling, then goes to talk to Dark.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sauli's POV**

I knock on Dark's bedroom door, waiting for it to open. There's no reply, but I know he's in there, so I open the door. He raises an eyebrow at me as I close the door behind me.

Either he's got some hidden air conditioning unit in his room that I didn't know about, or it's just freezing in here, because I shiver as he continues to look at me. "Well?"

"What did you do to Adam?" I ask, seeing his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Who's  _Adam_?" "Your brother." I scowl. "My brother's name is Light, and he's okay as far as I'm aware."

"He's  _not_  okay. You know what you did to him, and it's disgusting." I spit. "What did I do? I've been sat here all day, waiting for you to get home." He asks, acting innocent.

"You raped him! Not only is it wrong in the first place, you're his  _brother_! I got home and he was crying his eyes out in the shower, and he's in so much pain and he's got cuts all over him!"

He sighs and stands up, towering over me, usual golden eyes growing darker. "Do you remember when he attacked that man at the bar?" "Yes."

"I know that you were confused by that. What happened is that he became so angry that his mind didn't know how to deal with it, and he ultimately became me. It usually only happens to people that have experienced trauma, but Light only possesses the good qualities of a person, so when he feels something that vivid, he can't cope with it and it get passed off to me, since I'm stronger."

"I don't understand what that has to do with what happened today." I frown. "What happened is that he hit me. That acts as a traumatic event and I experience what happens to Light. But since I can't let him do it because he's too weak, I dissociate, which basically means I black out. I'm like an outsider, looking in. So, it's really his fault for angering me so badly." He shrugs.

"You can't blame him for something that  _you_  did, even if you were mad. I doubt it was even your first time doing it. You seem crazy." I say angrily. "What are you suggesting?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if you've raped people before, maybe even kids.-" I'm suddenly on the floor, with Dark's hands on my throat. He really likes choking people apparently, and to be honest, it's kind of terrifying.

"Don't you  _dare_  say that ever again. I might not be a good person, but I would never hurt a child."

" _Voi luoja, vittu_!" I curse, slipping back into Finnish as he squeezes tighter, cutting off all my air. "I'll kill you." He growls, but lets go, much to my surprise.

I gasp, letting air flood back into my lungs, standing up before he can attack me again. "You're insane!" I cough, blinking back tears.

"Tell Light to stay out of my way, and you can leave me alone too, if you know what's good for you. Don't get so involved in things that aren't your business." He says, shoving me out of his room.

Before he closes the door, he asks me another question. "Did you get a job yet?" "I start tomorrow." I nod.

He closes his door after that, and I go back to Adam's room, where he's crying again. I comfort him until it stops, but only because he's fallen asleep again.

**Adam's POV**

When I wake up the next morning, I've got a worrying about of texts and missed calls from Neil. I press to call him again as I rub sleep out of my eyes, Sauli no where to be seen.

"Adam, thank God you're okay," Neil breaths out, "I'm not sure what happened, but mom's house blew up."

"Mom's house  _what_?" I ask, hoping that I didn't hear him correctly. "It exploded. It's gone. I'm assuming it was a gas leak or something, but-"

"Is she okay? Where is she?" I ask frantically, sitting up before groaning at the shooting pain. "Adam, she-she didn't survive. She would have choked and burnt to death, then got blown up with the house."

"I don't- I don't understand." I mumble, not believing my ears. "Mom's gone." He says, voice breaking, on the verge of tears.

"Why?" I ask brokenly. "I don't know. I don't think it was an accident, either."

I sit there for a second, before it all comes crashing down on me and I cry, hard enough for my eyes to sting and my throat to burn. I hang up and rock back and forth, until I feel someone sit down next to me.

Hoping it's Sauli, I lean into them, crying into their shirt. I quickly realise that it's Dark, which makes me cry harder, but I don't shove him away.

"What happened? I could hear you from my room." He asks. Unable to form words, I just clutch onto him and sob, wondering why everything's going so badly lately.

"Is it about mom? I had a text from Neil about it." He guesses. I nod, feeling like a complete baby as he puts his arms around me.

He seems surprisingly good at hugs, but he could easily hurt me if he wanted to. I get the sense that he doesn't know what he's doing, maybe he's never comforted anybody before, but him just being here is enough.

"Where's Sauli?" I ask a little while later. "He had his first day of work today. He should be home later, but it's probably best not to call him, because he might get in trouble."

"I don't know why all of this is happening." I sniff, apologising for breaking down like that.

"No, it's okay. I understand that you're upset. I am too, I'm just not very good at showing it. Why don't you go out with some friends or something to get your mind off of it, then I'll make dinner tonight?" Dark suggests.

"I don't think we have any food." I frown. "I'll get some stuff, don't worry. Take a shower and go out for a bit, even if it's just for a walk. Hopefully you'll feel better."

I nod, wiping my eyes with a tissue when he hands me one. He gets up and leaves without another word, and I go get in the shower.


	13. Chapter 13

**Light's POV**

I come home when it's nearly fully dark outside, numbly kicking my shoes off.

"Do you feel any better?" I hear Dark ask. I spot him in the kitchen, frying pan in hand. "Not really. Isn't Sauli home yet?" I shrug. "He isn't going to be home until later. Apparently he's working until 9pm."

I frown at that, realising it's basically a 12 hour shift. "Dinner's nearly ready. You like veal, right?" "Yeah. Thank you."

I go up to my room and change into more comfortable clothes, then mess around on my phone until Dark calls me down. I leave it upstairs on charge and sit on the couch, cushion on my lap.

"I hope it's good. I used to cook a lot, but not as much recently." He says, putting the plate down in front of me on the cushion, along with a glass of wine on the table. "I'm sure it'll be fine. Thanks."

He sits next to me with his own plate and puts on a movie, something about a homeless woman who dreams about being a writer.

I'm not really paying attention, just trying to figure out what kind of veal this is. It tastes slightly different than normal, but it's still good.

I look over at Dark, watching the movie intently. I study him for a second, before realising that he doesn't have the usual stupid trench coat on, or at least something covering his arms.

He only has one tattoo, a small, simple alien on his wrist. It doesn't look like it was done by the best artist in the world - Maybe he even did it himself.

Then I notice the rest of his arm, completely covered in scars. I'm assuming there's more, which have healed over time, but there's quite a few, noticeably thick ones.

I look back up and he's noticed me staring, giving me a look of annoyance. "It got hot when I was cooking so I took my jacket off." He says. "I was looking at your tattoo."

"I went to a juvenile detention centre for a couple of months and some ignorant asshole had a problem with me; always calling me a freak and a monster, that kind of stuff. I woke up to him tattooing me with some pen that he made himself." He sighs.

"Woah. Am I allowed to ask what you went there?" I frown. "I ran away from home. When the cops brought me back, dad basically called me a criminal and told them that I killed the family pets, which wasn't true. I only killed the dog, Lucky, which was nothing more than experiment. Anyway, they arrested me."

"You  _killed_  Lucky? Mom told me that she was put down because she was sick!" I say angrily. "It was a joke." He mumbles, getting up and slipping his jacket back on before sitting back down.

"Dark-" "Just eat before it gets cold." He says, clearly getting irritated. I didn't even get to ask about anything else, but I don't want to risk getting hit, so I continue eating.

Once we're finished, he takes the plate and the now empty glass into the kitchen, then decides that he's going out.

"Is it my fault?" I ask, realising how dejected he looked after I got mad. "You didn't do anything. I just have something that I need to do." He says, leaving me alone in the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was really short oops - comment what you think so far!


	14. Chapter 14

**Dark's POV**

As soon as I walk in the door, Light starts shouting at me, demanding that I tell him what I did to Sauli because he's supposed to be home but he isn't.

"What? I didn't do anything to him. He's probably just working late." I sigh, trying to get past but he bangs his fists against my chest, like a toddler would do to their mother.

"I called his work, apparently he didn't even show up! Tell me what you did to him!" I grab his wrists, stopping him from hitting me.

"I haven't seen him since he left the house, and he told me that he was going to work. I don't know what happened."

"I tried calling his work, I tried calling him, I waited for hours, I even tried calling his family, and nobody knows where he is! You must have done something to him! You're a psychopath!" He says angrily.

"For a start, I'm not a psychopath. I display psychopathic and sociopathic traits, but I'm not actually either of them. Secondly, I have no reason to hurt him." I reply.

"I can tell when you're lying. There's no reason that he wouldn't come home, or not go to work." Light scowls. "Wait, he didn't tell you? He said that he would." I gasp.

"What do you mean?" He frowns. "When he came to talk to me, he told me something, and told me that he was planning on telling you, too."

"What are you talking about?" He says, getting irritated. "He's probably back in Finland by now. I didn't think he was going yet, but if he's not here..."

"Huh? Why would Sauli be in Finland? He's here because he had nowhere to live." Light asks. "Because his wife kicked him out. But they made up, so he's gone back to her."

He laughs, shaking his head. "You're such a bad liar. He doesn't have a wife - He doesn't even like girls. You've probably killed him, haven't you?"

"Oh god, he really  _didn't_ tell you. He's married, with kids. They got into a pretty heated argument and she kicked him out. He hooked up with you, because he was upset, and he came to stay with you because he didn't have anywhere else to go. But he sorted things out with his wife, and he went back to her."

"That's not true." He laughs. I get my phone out of my pocket and show him a picture. "That's his friend Katja and her nephew." He scowls.

"You're even more naive than I thought you were. Did you honestly believe everything he told you?" I ask. "Yes, because he didn't lie to me."

"Light, I know it's hard to understand, but he's gone. He didn't even love you, he was just using you until he went back to his wife."

I notice tears in his eyes, but he blinks them back and balls his fists up. "He wouldn't do that."

"He did though. I didn't tell you because I thought that Sauli was going to." I shrug. "No. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you're not lying. I don't believe you."

I put my phone back in my pocket and look right at him, knowing that my plan is about to come together perfectly. "I'm telling the truth."

As someone who's got a lack of emotions, I'm not exactly prepared for the sudden onslaught of tears. Obviously, I was expecting him to be upset, but not this badly.

He falls back against the couch, body wracking with every sob. I try not to, but a small smile creeps it's way onto my face.

The thing is with people is that they're fragile and gullible. Most of them are smart, and they don't believe everything that you tell them, but if you get them emotional enough, maybe even heartbroken, they'll think it's the truth - Because they want something to blame, an explanation.

Meaning that you can tell them whatever you want to, and they'll believe you.

I sit next to Light and manage to get my arms around him, despite him fighting me. From what I understand from Google, the way to comfort people when they're sad is to hug them.

"Why? I love him." He cries, seemingly trying to merge with me as he nuzzles against my chest. I scowl at the tears he's leaving, making my shirt wet.

"My guess is that he just wanted to use you for money, and to feel the love that he needed while he didn't have it. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You'll find someone better." I tell him, repeating what I practiced.

"But I don't want anybody else, I want him! I've written a bunch of songs about him, and he's the only one that I've loved this much," He replies, coughing from all the crying, "Why is all of this happening? First dad, then mom, now Sauli!"

"I'm not sure." I sigh, hoping that he shuts up soon. Annoyingly, he cries himself to sleep, so I have to carry him upstairs and tuck him into bed.

I spot Sauli's wallet on the bedside table, so I grab it and shove it in my pocket. I must have forgotten to take it when I was clearing out all of the things he'd need in Finland.


	15. Chapter 15

**Dark's POV**

I lie awake at night, drenched in sweat, heart beating. I bury my face into my pillow, trying to catch my breath which is coming in gasps, voice wrecked from all the choked sobs and silent screams from my nightmares.

I'm haunted by the things I've done, the things I've said. Reality or fantasy, I can never escape it. The screams, the begs, the cries - It's all I can hear, clawing at my ears, pleading for the noises that I've caused to stop.

It's a special kind of torture, because it's my own fault, and I could have stopped it, or not done it in the first place, but I chose to. What I did to those people, to their families, I can never forget.

It follows me around like a lost puppy; except it's more of a hellhound, determined to ruin me, to put an end to what I've caused, but I won't stop. I can't stop.

The carbon inside of me, running through me, ice cold yet lava hot screams at me, obsessively trying to persuade me to satisfy my needs. It's not something I can control.

When I feel that anger that makes my hands shake and my head spin, I need to  _attack_. It's how I'm programmed, how I'm wired. The technicians must have gone wrong somewhere, because humans shouldn't be like this.

Although I'm barely a human. I have a beating heart, a skeleton and a brain, but what makes me different from the others is the unbearable need to  _hurt._ It's overpowering, something that I wish that I would turn off, if only I could.

I'm half a person, half a life, half a soul. I've never been whole, maybe that's why I do what I do. It fills that emptiness inside of me. Maybe my crimes are the light that overshadows my darkness.

Wether I regret it because it torments me, or because I actually have a small slither of empathy, I'm not sure.

I do feel guilty for what I've done. Very guilty, and if I knew that it would agonise me like this, maybe I wouldn't have started when I was a child.

I wish that I hadn't. Who wants to take people's lives? My family, friends, their family and friends, partners alike, all torn apart by my madness.

Do I like what I do? No. I don't realise what I'm doing until after, then as I dispose of the body, I can't cry harder. It's insane to think of the sheer amount people I've ended. It's gotten so bad that I've lost count.

Something beneficial to me but detrimental to others is that I can hide myself and others quite well.

Which means that when I get so uncontrollably angry that all I can do is lash out, nothing will stop me until I stop myself, and often, I don't, until it's too late.

Leila and Eber, mom and dad, saw what I had become and decided to treat me as an outcast, simply giving me the basics to survive and that's it - Food, water and shelter. I had to fend for myself, teach myself everything I needed to know.

It also gave me a lot of time to myself, a lot of time to devise plots and plan things out, grow an inexplainable hatred for people.

Hoping that one day, when I'm older and stronger, I could get my revenge and show them the monster that I really am. And I did, greatly.

Unfortunately, this meant that mom and dad had to go too. I couldn't bare to see how much I had ruined them. They looked at me with such disappointment and sadness, a darkness in their eyes, but a light when they looked at  _Adam_.

He was always the favourite, the ambitious one. While I had to plans to succeed in my own ways, he wanted to rock the stage, act, do what he loved.

What did I love? I'm not sure. I used to like colouring, it was a distraction from his and Neil's happy laughter, while their brother was rotting away in the attic, drying his tears and hoping that his parents would let him feel that joy, too.

The day never came though, for me at least. It did for them, when they were finally rid of me when I ran away. I payed them a final visit, dad first then mom, split up since I had been the brunt of their divorce.

They had to go. They had to stop feeling ashamed for what I had done, what I had become. If I had to do that myself, then so be it. At least they wouldn't be distressed anymore. They had brought me into this world, and now I had to bring them out of it.

Once I realised that it was just Light, Neil and myself left, I started to need affection. I had blocked out all cravings for love, and was doing just fine by myself, getting what I wanted from people without their permission; fear echoing around the room like how I felt when I was told I couldn't be apart of the family anymore.

Neil was engaged, and besides, he's straight. I've never had much of a bond with him anyway. He knew about me before Light did, but that's because he stumbled upon me as a curious teenager, where as Light was a lot more careful.

Light had a boyfriend, but I could fix that. Selfish, I know, but the pain that he feels is worth it. Sauli had to go, too, and maybe  _Adam_ could finally be the light to my dark.

And that's how it all happened, how I ended up here, in my bed in Light's house, crying over everything I've done. Wether I'm still dreaming or I'm awake, facing what I've caused, it doesn't matter. It's too late now.


	16. Chapter 16

**Light's POV**

I could hear Dark crying all throughout the early morning, no matter how much he tried to muffle it with his pillow.

Maybe he was upset about mom and dad, but I doubt it. He didn't seem very upset when it happened, or if he was, he's not experienced at showing like he said.

I would have gone in and comforted him, but I imagined he probably just wanted to be alone. Plus, he probably would have gotten angry if I barged in on him.

I think about getting up and showering or getting something to eat, but instead I choose to stay in bed, on my phone.

Soon, Dark comes in, giving me an unimpressed look. "You're still in bed?" "I miss Sauli." I mumble wearily, covering my eyes when he opens the curtains.

"Laying around all day isn't going to bring him back. Nothing will, in fact, so quit feeling sorry for yourself and let's go." He replies.

"Go where?" "We need to go to the store. Sauli was in charge of getting groceries, but since he isn't here now..." He shrugs. "Shut up." I sniff, wiping at my eyes when they fill with tears.

"It's the truth, you're going to have to accept it eventually. Come on." He pulls the covers off me, and I'm thankful that I actually wore clothes this time.

"You go. I just want to sleep." I sigh, curling up into a ball. I yelp as he grabs my ankles, ripping me off the bed, making me land on the floor with a thud. I groan, rubbing my hip as I give him an angry look.

He throws a shirt and jeans at me, warning me that I have five minutes to get dressed before he forces me there in my pyjamas.

I comply and get dressed, even managing to brush my teeth before being shoved in the car.

"We can't both go in. It would look like there's two of me." I complain as he drags me by the wrist towards the entrance. "I don't care."

He gets a cart and forces me inside, making me panic. "Let me sit in the car. I'll be fine." I beg nervously. He ignores me, putting some bananas into the cart. "Please."

His nails dig into my wrist and I can feel it bruise. "You're drawing attention to yourself, you know. Nobody will notice if you're quiet."

I keep asking to leave all the way to the refrigerated section, where he snaps. "Shut  _up_ , Light. I'm losing my patience with you." "Don't call me that."

"What else am I meant to call you?  _Adam_?" He laughs. "Yes, since that's my name," I scowl, "And I cant believe you demand to be called Dark, do you even realise how stupid that sounds? Your name is Adrian."

He shoots me an evil look, fists bunching up at his sides. "Call me that again, go on." I look into his eyes; molten gold, running hot with anger, daring me to call him the name he hates so much. "Adrian."

Then I'm hovering above the ground, both hands on my throat, squeezing. I gurgle, trying to suck air into my lungs to no avail.

Just as I think I'm about to pass out, I'm flying backwards, crashing into a display. I gasp, seeing Dark's boot connect with my face multiple times, crying out as my nose bursts into a firework of red.

He grabs my hair, twisting his fingers in it painfully, slamming my face into the shelves of food, then into the floor, not giving me an ounce of mercy as I scream in pain.

He lets go of my hair and kicks me twice in the stomach, so hard that I sprawl backwards, nearly knocking a lady over. Dark pounces on top of me, his fists hitting my face over and over until it goes numb.

I see him get pulled off me by a burly security guard, however he manages to break free and sprints away, leaving me crying on the floor.

I'm expecting the security guard to help me, but instead, he hauls me to my feet and slaps a pair of handcuffs on my wrists. I feel my stomach twist and I feel sick as I see the smear of red on the floor and the destruction that Dark caused.

He leads me to a back room, not letting me wash or anything, and proceeds to scream at me until the police arrive.

"You're under arrest on suspicion of homicide. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you." The officer says, confusing me.

I try to ask, but I'm ignored and dragged outside against my will, greeted by the paparazzi that have showed up, taking as many pictures of me as possible, with Dark nowhere to be seen. I'm shoved inside of a cop car, still being bombarded with camerasand no answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you guys think happened?!


	17. Chapter 17

**Light's POV**

After having my mugshot and fingerprints taken, I was taken into a questioning room where I was read my Miranda Rights.

I wasn't sure whether to tell them about Dark or not. I'd seem crazy if I did, but I had no other explanation.

With the help of my lawyer, I told them that my twin brother and I had gotten into a fight at the store - Except, what my lawyer forgot to tell me about was how the CCTV footage had been somehow altered.

It shows me throwing myself around, hitting myself and even choking myself. The security guard had rescued me from a fallen shelf, and doesn't show Dark at all. In fact, it's like he was never even there.

So I'm either insane or Dark has some magic ability to change recorded footage and the events around him.

That still didn't explain why I was arrested on suspicion of  _homicide_  though. After being thrown into a solitary cell, I asked exactly why I was here, and after getting sarcastic answers and laughs, I finally got informed that I had apparently killed my parents.

I was outraged at that idea. Why would I? I wouldn't, obviously. Besides, the only evidence that they have is the 'A' carved into dad's stomach, and the newly-found 'A' made out of bricks in the wreckage of what was mom's house.

Over the next two days, I was questioned rigorously, tested on whether I'm mentally stable or not, and just treated like a piece of trash in general.

However, more evidence hadn't emerged, obviously, and in California they can only keep suspects in custody for up to 48 hours, so I was able to leave.

That's where I am now, getting out of the Uber that took me home. I find the key that I leave under the pink flamingo and open the door, seeing Dark sitting on the couch.

I give him the angriest look I can muster as he gets up and comes up to me. Surprisingly, he hugs me. I don't want his bullshit affection though; pretending to regret his actions but is inevitably going to do it again isn't going to cut it for me.

I shove him off, storming past him. "Light," He chases after me, grabbing my sleeve to stop me, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of that to happen."

I look at him, shocked, since that's the first time I've heard him ever apologise. It sounded genuine, too.

"I just get so angry that I don't realise what I'm doing. I feel really bad. Are you okay?" He asks. "Not really. I got arrested because apparently I killed mom and dad."

"I know that you didn't kill them, but they won't find any more evidence against you. Do you feel okay, though?" His fingers trail over a bruise on my forehead, frowning at it.

"I had a pretty bad headache, but I'm alright now, I guess. They showed me the CCTV footage - You're not even in it." I reply.

"It's not that difficult to change it, and witness' will go with whatever the most popular view is. It's like the elevator effect."

"But it showed me beating myself up. You couldn't make it like that." "It's amazing what special effects can do. You would have looked even more insane if I kept it how it was." He says.

"I'm still mad." I sigh, going up to my room and getting straight into the shower. Once I'm out, I get changed into pyjamas and enjoy the fact that I'm finally  _clean_.

I'm not sure what it is, but something about being in a cell makes you feel incredibly dirty.

I go downstairs again and groan as I look through the cupboards, seeing the lack of food. "Do we have any more veal?" I ask when Dark comes to investigate what I'm doing.

"No. Did you like it that much then?" He replies with smirk. "It was a bit unusual, but it was pretty good." I nod.

"Unusual how?" "A bit chewier and tasted slightly different than normal. I appreciated you making it though." I shrug. "You actually believed that it was veal?" He laughs. "Yes? What else would it be?"

"What else tastes like veal?" "Human flesh?" I joke. He smirks again and I frown. "What is it?" "You haven't put it together, have you?"

"Tell me." I demand, getting irritated now. "Sauli didn't like girls, so why would he go to Finland to be with his wife? He wasn't even married. The whole situation reminds me of a book called Lamb To The Slaughter."

Everything starts to fall into place and my stomach sinks. "Did you- Did you kill him and feed him to me?" I ask, repulsed.

Another twisted smirk, amusement twinkling in his eyes as my stomach contracts so violently that I have no time to get to the bathroom as I sink to my knees with tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Why are you throwing up? You've already eaten him; it's too late now." He chuckles, patting my back patronisingly. "Get off of me!" I scream, more vomit spilling out onto the tiled floor.

"I'm not cleaning that up. Go to the bathroom. That's disgusting." He tuts. When I can't force myself to stand, he drags me by the hair to the bathroom and shoves my head into the toilet.

I keep swallowing, and my throat keeps clenching, but no matter what, I can't stop the warm feeling rising through my chest. I can taste the sick at the back of my throat and I open my mouth, letting the last of it dribble from my lips as my stomach turns over one more time.

Dark just laughs as I shout at him, my throat burning from the anger and bile, calling him every name I can.

"He hung himself, which was convenient for me, since he was all ready for skinning and gutting. Just like it was dad's fault he overdosed, believing me when I said that ricin would help his flu. I unscrewed the gas pipe at mom's house, but I didn't make it blow up. So technically, I haven't killed any of them." He smiles.  
    
"You're disgusting!" I yell, "How could you be so fucked up?! Why would you even do that?!"

"Why would anybody do it? For the thrill of it, the satisfaction. Maybe they're angry, or they want to fulfil some perverted need." He shrugs.

"You can't say that so casually! You killed my parents and my boyfriend, then made me eat him! You've probably murdered others too! I was arrested because of something you've done!"

I fish my phone out of my pocket and type in 911, ready to get them to take this  _monster_ away. Except he grabs my wrist, wrestling my phone out of my hand.

"I wouldn't recommend doing that. They'd never believe you. You'd be arrested again, or put into a psychiatric hospital." He warns.

"Then what am I meant to do? Let you be free?! Forgive you for murdering the people I care about?!"

"You have to," He nods, "Believe me, you would never be taken seriously. Besides, I've got to you now, and there's nobody else in my way, so I don't need to hurt anybody else."

"That's horrible." I growl, ripping my wrist out of his grip.

"I know. I don't like what I've become, but it's something that I have to come to terms with, and you will too," He pulls me close, laughing softly, "Or, you can cry wolf and see where it gets you. But if you tell on me, I'll make your death a slow, painful one. It's up to you, big brother."

He lets go and I slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the floor, crying again. I hear him walk out of the bathroom, leaving me alone to weigh up my options.


	18. Chapter 18

**Light's POV**

I try to be quiet as I come out of the bathroom, but Dark must notice because he gets up from the couch.

Shrugging him off when he puts a hand on my shoulder, I start walking up the stairs. "Have you made a decision yet?" He calls after me. I stop and look down at him.

"I'm going to the police. It doesn't matter if they think I'm crazy, at least I'll finally get away from  _you_." I spit, continuing up the stairs.

I hear him chasing me up then and I turn around when I'm at the top after hearing a snap, just in time for him to hit me with a post that he must have ripped off from the rail on the stairs.

Another swing to my ribs makes me fall to the floor and I cry out as he continues to beat me with it, trying to get up to run. He kicks me in the stomach before grabbing my collar and throwing me down the stairs.

It takes a second for my mind to register the pain, but I groan loudly as I reach the bottom. I hear footsteps then Dark is kicking me again, and finishes by throwing a vase at me which smashes.

Then I'm in the passenger seat of the car, unaware of how I got there, with Dark driving dangerously fast.

"You want to go to the police, huh? Fine. I'll take you." He growls, speeding up. "It was a joke!" I plea. "Don't lie to me." A fist colliding with my nose makes me hit my head on the window, leaving me dizzy.

Before I know it, the car shuts off and I see that we're outside of the police station. "Go on then. You wanted to." He says.

"I wasn't being serious." I whimper as a drop of blood from my nose lands on my hand. "Get out, Light. I know you want to."

When I refuse, he gets out and opens my door, dragging me out by the wrist. "I'll make it easy for you by walking you in, is that what you want?" "I just want to go home. I'm sorry." I sniff.

"Don't be shy, it's okay. We'll tell them all about how big of a meanie I am, and that I should be locked away so I don't keep breaking your toys, hm?" The patronising tone makes me angry enough to rip my wrist away, standing my ground.

"Why won't you just leave me alone?! I don't want you to get arrested, I just wish you didn't exist! You've ruined everything!" I shout, quickly becoming aware of the people looking.

Either Dark didn't see them or he doesn't care, because he punches me hard enough in the temple for me to fall again, blanking out for a few seconds.

When I come back around, he grabs the back of my head and slams my head repeatedly into the concrete, keeping a knee on my back so I can't escape.

"Little  _bitch_. I'll teach you not to speak to me like that." He pulls me up by my hair, leaving my scalp burning, and throws me into the back of the car.

He puts the child locks on before I can get out and run, and speeds down the road, swerving in and out of cars. "Dark!" I yell when he doesn't even bother to break when he goes round a corner.

I watch as his hands tighten on the steering wheel and he somehow goes even faster, not listening when I shout.

I see the edge of the cliff and with Dark showing no signs of turning the corner, I start to panic. He can't drive off - That would kill the both of us, but maybe that's what he wants.

Despite my begs, the car is soon flying over the edge and all I can see is the water below us as I feel my consciousness start to slip.


	19. Chapter 19

**Light's POV**

I jerk awake in a slightly familiar surrounding, cursing as I hit my head on the bookshelf above the bed. It's just a singular room, consisting of a bed, couch, rug, coffee table and full-wall mirror.

It's not completely bare - The walls are painted a comforting shade of yellow and there's a couple of plants, along with notepads, a few ornaments, and a large window that's letting in lots of light.

However, I look out and there isn't anything there, just a void of silent whiteness.

I look at my bewildered reflection in the mirror, dressed in the light brown cardigan, white tshirt, and light blue jeans, black combat boots, pointed necklace and fluffed up brown hair that I donned when I met Dark for the first time.

I go up to the mirror, placing a hand onto the ice cold glass. It's the almost the perfect temperature in here, not cold but not hot, however the closer I get to the mirror, the colder everything gets.

I'm not aware of any sound in here, almost like it's all been vacuumed up by the emptiness. It's a strange kind of eerie, because while it's nice and there's no noises to get overwhelmed by, it's completely silent.

I can't even hear myself breath, although maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just dreaming. Maybe, just maybe, I'm laying at the bottom of the ocean right now, about to die.

I smile at the thought; not in a morbid way, but in the fact that I'll finally be able to get away from Dark. I'll be at peace, because at least in Heaven, or even Hell, he can't torture me there.

I turn away from the glass and look at the small screen on the wall, displaying that oxygen is at 100%, decorated with a blue ring around it. I'm not sure what it means, and that seems to be it's only function, but it's kind of nifty.

If I could have it my way, I'd stay in here forever. There's a bowl of popcorn on the table and a kettle, so it's not like I'd starve or become dehydrated, if I'm even able to feel those needs in here.

However the bliss is quickly over because my head starts throbbing and I clutch it, letting out a soundless cry before I'm snapping back to reality in the car.

"You could have gotten us killed," Dark scowls, "I knew it would freak you out, but not that badly."

"What are you talking about?" I mumble, my headache quickly vanishing and wondering how I'm still alive.

"You retreated into that stupid room because you couldn't deal with the fear, so I had to control the both of us, which means I could have crashed and  _actually_  killed us."

"You drove over the cliff." I frown. "No, you left before I turned the corner and your brain tried to fill the gap as you lost consciousness."

"I don't get it." I sigh, putting my head back against the headrest. My head may not hurt from leaving the room anymore, but I'm still in pain from Dark throwing me around.

"When you feel extremes of emotions that aren't positive, you mentally can't handle it, because that's not how you're wired. Your consciousness ends up going to that little yellow room, while I'm forced to control the both of us, since I'm stronger and I'm designed to deal with that. Don't forget, we're both halves of one person, so I deal with the negative things since I'm stronger." He explains.

"It sounds like a load of bullshit." I laugh. "You can be skeptical all you want, it's not going to change anything." He shrugs.

"How do you know about the yellow room?" "Because my room is on the other side. We're only separated by the mirror, and I was unfortunate enough to discover what was on the other side."

"Unfortunate?" I glare. "Not because of you. It's hard to explain." He replies, pulling into the driveway at home and walking into the house.

I follow him, quick to stop him before he disappears into his room. "When you said that you control both of us, what did you mean? How does it work?"

"Your mind gets transported to that little room, and I basically become you. Except it takes a few seconds for the transformation to actually happen, so your body carries on the action of whatever you were doing. That's why if you're about to attack someone, I can't stop you, because you're already lunging for the person before I take over, and it would seem too suspicious for me to stop. Have you ever tried to play a two player game by yourself?"

"Yes, but I don't see what that has to do with this." "Having to play on both of the controllers is really difficult, right? It's like that, which is why it's so dangerous when you do that, because it's impossible for me to control us both exactly at the same time, so when I was driving I could have crashed because I had to be in control of you as well." He says.

"I'm still a little bit confused." I frown. "It's hard to explain, okay? Just don't stress about it too much." He walks upstairs and I flop onto the couch, massaging my temples with my fingers.

My phone buzzes with a text message from Tommy, so I pick it up and read it.

Tommy:  
You alright, man? We haven't heard from you for ages, and there seems to be some strange shit happening.

Adam:  
I'm okay. I've just had some family things happening.

Tommy:  
Do you want to come round and we can talk about it? Or we could just watch a movie or something.

Adam:  
I'll be there soon. Do you want me to bring anything?

Tommy:  
Just yourself, I think. I've got some beer and we can order food.

I knock on Dark's bedroom door and he opens it slightly, so I push it open and go in, shivering at the sudden temperature drop. "Do you have the car keys?"

He picks them up and hovers them above my waiting hand. "Where are you going?" "Bowling for my friend's birthday." I tell him. Satisfied with my answer, he drops them into my palm, so I get back into the car and start driving to Burbank.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // rape

**Light's POV**

Etta starts barking when I knock on Tommy's front door. Usually I let myself in, but I don't have my keys with me.

Tommy opens the front door and gives me a shocked look. "Jesus, Adam. You look seriously beat." I smile slightly at being called my name, something I haven't heard in a while, getting a beer from his fridge as Etta happily wags her tail at my arrival.

"Yeah, Dark's kind of crazy." "What kind of a name is Dark?" He snorts. "It's stupid, I know, but he refuses to be called Adrian. He calls me Light, too." I sigh.

"Wait, who's this? A friend?" "My twin brother, actually," I laugh at his shocked face, "I didn't know either, not until he killed my dad."

"He  _what_?" "That's not all, either. He also killed my mom and Sauli, then tricked me into cannibalism."

"Holy shit." He gasps. I sit on his couch and explain everything to him, getting choked up near the end.

"So he only told you last night and threatened you to keep it secret?" He asks, which I nod to. "I'm not expecting you to believe me, I know it seems extremely far-fetched."

"I do believe you, though. I've seen videos and pictures online, and your face is evident enough." He says. "Is there something wrong with it?" I frown.

"Are you kidding me? Go look in the mirror." I get up and go to the bathroom, gasping as I see my bloodied and bruised reflection.

There's cuts and horrible coloured bruises littered across my skin, my eyes are swollen and empty looking, probably from both crying and my injuries, my nose looks suspiciously crooked and my skin looks paler than usual. That's just my face, I imagine the rest of my body looks much, much worse.

Tommy appearing behind me makes me jump, since I didn't see him follow me in. "Sit down, lets get you cleaned up, then you can have a shower if you'd like one."

I sit on the side of the bath, letting him wet a cloth with warm water and wash the blood off, hissing when he puts some anti-septic cream on the cuts.

"Shirt off. I need to make sure you haven't broken any ribs or anything." He says. "Since when did you become a doctor?" I protest, folding my arms since I know it's not going to be a pretty sight.

"You're right, I'm not a doctor, however I do know the difference between not broken and broken bones. Come on, before I take it off for you."

I slip it over my head and he gasps again, looking at the nasty smudges of purple, black and blue. I wince when he starts pressing into my ribs. "Does it hurt to breath?" He asks.

"Only a little bit. I think they're just bruised, he didn't really hit me in the ribs." I shrug. "Just everywhere else." He mutters under this breath. I roll my eyes as he tends to his 'medical duties', then I put my shirt back on.

"You can go find something to watch, I need to find the Mexican takeout menu." He says, patting me on the back. "What if I don't want Mexican? What if I wanted pizza?"

"Adam Lambert, refusing Mexican food? Crazy." He tuts, but grabs the pizza menu off the side while I look through his Netflix account for something to watch.

He finally plops himself down beside me, lighting up a blunt and taking a long drag. I give him an expectant look and after he's done coughing, he hands it to me while he calls the pizza place.

Everything becomes a blur of drinks and giggles until we're stumbling backwards into his room, tongues colliding as pieces of clothing drop to the floor and moans slip past lips.

Sunlight flooding into the room jerks me awake; covers tangled around limbs and Tommy snoring quietly beside me.

My head throbs as I sit up, squeezing my eyes shut again. Once the wave of pain is over, I pull on my boxers that were on the floor and go into Tommy's bathroom, finding a bottle of ibuprofen.

Looking into the mirror above the sink, I remember the relief that I felt in the yellow room, finally being away from Dark, almost hoping that he had killed us so I wouldn't have to go back to him.

I look so much like him. Of course I would, but it makes me angry, because he can get away with everything since I'll get the blame for it.

My manager called me while I was on the way to Tommy's house - My career is falling apart in front of me, and it's all Dark's fault, yet they think it's me that's acting out.

I glance back at the bottle, wondering if ending everything would be worth it. It would get me away from Dark, sure, but would I be reported dead, or would he carry on pretending to be me?

Would I even die? Or would I be transported to that little yellow room, stuck there for the rest of eternity, with Dark only on the other side of the mirror?

Shaking the thought out of my head, for now, I realise I don't need to do something that extreme, because things will get better. Instead, I take two and put it back, washing the pills down with water that I cup in my hands.

Hearing the small voice calling me, I go back into his bedroom, seeing him rubbing his eyes. "I'm still here. I got some painkillers for my head."

"I thought Dark snatched you." He explains. I laugh unsurely at that, knowing that he's going to be mad when I get home.

***  
 **Dark's POV**

As soon as he closes the door, I grab fistfuls of Light's shirt and slam him back against it, hissing in his face. "Where the  _fuck_  were you?"

"Bowling, I told you." He says, rightfully looking terrified. "Bullshit. I know you were with Tommy." "No-" My fist connects with his stomach and he doubles up.

"Don't lie to me, Light. What were you doing with him?" My eyes bore into his, gripping his shirt tighter. "We were just watching movies and I fell asleep."

"Would you like to explain why you smell like sex, then?" I ask sarcastically. When he doesn't reply, I draw my fist back, ready to punch him in the mouth.

He flinches, blubbering out what he was up to. "We got drunk and ended up having sex." I throw him to the floor, watching him crash into the couch. "He's a rebound!"

"Of course he's a rebound, you killed my boyfriend!" He shouts, getting up. "I killed him because  _I'm_  supposed to be your rebound! Not some straight guy!"

"You're my brother!" "I don't care! I just want you to love me!" I shout back. "Listen to what you're saying, Dark! You're crazy! No wonder mom and dad locked you away for your own good!"

I jump on top of him, pinning him down beneath me, repeatedly punching his fucking face with the intention of bashing it in with my fists.

Each time my knuckles make contact with his face, I feel angrier, the carbon flowing through me gets hotter and it's almost painful, everything is sharp and I'm shaking from the fury, not satisfied yet with him.

I can't think straight, there's no rational thinking, only that unbearable need to  _hurt_ , to break him into tiny little pieces and laugh at the sobbing, screaming mess that remains.

Then Light's throwing me off him, tears mingling with the same blood that's coating my shaking hands, nose definitely broken and probably a few teeth missing, not to mention his swollen eyes.

"What the fuck is your problem?" He cries, wiping his face with his shirt and looking at horror at the smear of red.

On my feet, I grab his wrist and drag him to the kitchen, grab a habanero pepper which I brought to make a sauce with and hold it to his mouth. "Eat."

He tries to rip his wrist away, but I'm stronger, digging my nails in to keep him in place. "Eat it before I force you to."

He opens his mouth and I put it in, watching him crunch down on it. He desperately reaches for the fridge, probably for the milk to take away the hotness, but I drag him upstairs, to his bathroom instead.

Flipping the shower to freezing, I lock the door. "Get in." He shakes his head, trying to spit the pepper out. Still refusing, I push him and he trips, falling under the jet of ice cold water.

The water washes away some of the blood and he cries out as it gets into his mouth, making the hotness even worse. It must be burning horribly by now, and it won't be getting any better.

I grip his bloodied shirt and rip it off, tossing it on the floor, jeans and underwear next. He squeals my name, covering himself up as everything I was wearing joins his.

I haul him to his feet, forcing myself inside of him as I grip his throat, clawing at it. "Please stop." He begs, arching in pain as I slam inside.

"I can break every bone in your body, I can snap your neck like a popsicle stick, I can inflict pain on you to levels that you didn't know were possible, so I suggest you shut up and take it real pretty for me, or else." I growl in his ear.

He bawls his eyes out the entire time, letting out a pitiful whimper when I throw him to the floor and come down his throat.

The tiled floor beside him gets decorated with his vomit, shivering uncontrollably as the water beats down on him.

"Pathetic whore," I spit, "If I catch you with Tommy again, it'll be worse." I pick my clothes up and leave him weeping in his bathroom.


	21. Chapter 21

**Tommy's POV**

Etta barks, leaving the couch where I was laying with her. A few seconds later, the doorbell rings. Not expecting anybody, I groan and get up, opening the door.

I don't recognise him at first, but Adam quickly wipes his eyes, looking down. I only saw him yesterday, yet he already looks worse than I've ever seen. He's a bloodied mess.

His left eye is so swollen that he won't be seeing anything out of it for a while, his right one not much better, lips split and hair brittle and matted with blood. His nose is completely smashed, definitely broken, and he's littered in black and purple bruises.

"Holy fuck." I move aside, letting him in. When I try to hug him, he begins to shake, sobbing uncontrollably. He balls his fists up, flinching when I step closer.

He tries to speak, but his voice cracks. He lets me hug him this time, freezing cold and still trembling.

I manage to get him to sit on the couch, wrapping him in my blanket. Etta nudges her nose into his arm for him to pet her, but he just buries his face into my neck.

I'm not really sure what to do, because it's not every day that my boss shows up at my house without explanation, having been beaten up.

I let him cry for a while, before he wipes his tears away. "What happened, Adam? Was it Dark again?" He nods, getting a couple of tissues for his face. "What did he do now? You look terrible." 

He can't physically get the words out of his mouth, tugging on his hair. "Did he fuck you again?" I ask, praying that he'll say no. While he doesn't say anything, he gives me the saddest look I've ever seen and nods slightly.

I pull him back into a hug, hearing him sniffle quietly. "Last night. He was beating me up and-I don't even know, it just happened. I tried to leave once he was in his room, but he wouldn't let me. I snuck out while he was asleep, but when he realises I'm gone, I'm screwed."

"Oh my god. I'm so, so sorry. Do you want me to take you to the police?" I frown. "No. He'd kill me if I told anyone, which means you have to keep this a secret."

"How am I meant to keep this secret? You're getting raped by your twin brother." "I know!" He snaps, "But if you want me to stay alive, then you'll shut your fucking mouth!"

He jumps back, looking at me in shock. "I-I didn't mean to shout. I couldn't control myself." "You're panicking, I get that-"

"No, I got so mad and I couldn't stop it. I'm literally becoming him!" He whimpers. "It's okay. You're allowed to be angry."

I manage to calm him down eventually, then help him get cleaned up. "I'm going to have to take you to hospital for your nose, by the way. And you should probably get checked out for any broken stuff."

"I'll be fine. Don't I have an interview today?" He mumbles. "Yes, you do, but do you really think I'm going to let you go looking like that?"

"I'm going regardless. Grab your guitar." He nods. "Are you serious?" I exasperate. "Yes. Come on, we're going to be late if you don't hurry up."

***  
"Any more questions?" Adam asks. Nobody puts their hands up and he glances at me nervously, before looking back. "None at all?"

He breaths out a sigh of relief when a girl puts her hand up, asking about the videos of him getting beaten up by Dark.

Nobody had asked about those yet, or his appearance, and I see him bite his lip. "We were shooting a video since I've been working on some songs."

Now some more hands go up, and he smiles, answering them. I'm pretty sure he's actually has been writing some songs, since when we were on tour he was always writing lyrics on his iPad, but he hasn't started recording them yet.

One of the women asks him if he's doing  anything on Wednesday, and he gives me a confused look. "What's Wednesday?"

"Sauli's birthday?" She laughs. "Oh, right," He nods, "I'm actually not going to be doing anything. I didn't want to say anything so soon, since nothing has really been taken care of as of yet, but you guys deserve to know. Sauli passed away a few days ago."

I rub his back as his fans gasp, a few even crying. "I'm not going to reveal any more details until I know more, because I don't really know myself, and I don't want to spread false information. I'm sorry."

Nobody knows what to say, so an awkward silence fills the room. Adam suddenly gets up and walks out, knocking his chair over and leaving me there alone. After offering an apologetic look to the fans, I chase after him.

I can't stop him before he shoves his manager out of his way and storms outside, in the direction of the car park. "Adam?" I call after him meekly, speeding up into a jog to keep up with him.

He spins around, slamming his fist right into my jaw. I stumble backwards, giving him a shocked look. His eyes angrily bore into me, glowing an intense gold as he growls at me. "Get in and shut up."

I massage my jaw as I put my guitar in the back and get in the passenger seat. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Adam smirks at me, playing with the radio. "He overshares far too much." Happy with the station it's on, he shoves the key in the ignition. " _He_?"

Shrugging, he pulls out of the car park. I put two and two together and groan. I'm not going to lie, I kind of thought Adam was making this up, but apparently he wasn't. "Why are you doing this, Dark?"

"Oh, you got it!" He chuckles, "What am I doing?" "Terrorising Adam. There's no point." I scowl. "Didn't I tell you to be quiet before you got in?" He turns the radio up, drowning my voice out.


	22. Chapter 22

**Light's POV**

I don't wake up peacefully in the bed this time, I'm spat into the room, almost as if I was thrown off the ceiling. The impact doesn't hurt much, but it isn't the most comfortable landing.

I shiver at the room as I stand up. It isn't as warm as last time, or as well lit. Glancing outside, I realise that instead of it being just a mass of white, the edges are stained black, almost like I were getting choked, or I hadn't slept in ages.

But it's not my vision playing tricks on me, it's the actual atmosphere. It seemingly pulsates, growing larger then shrinking back into its original form.

I glance at the small screen on the wall, noticing that it's turned off. Making my way over, I look closer, inspecting it as it comes to life. After sputtering for a moment, struggling to display the oxygen levels, it reads as 80%. Hopefully that doesn't mean anything bad.

Before when I was in this yellow room it was an extremely peaceful environment, I felt safe and at home but now it feels weirdly eerie and like something or someone is watching me.

I can't spot anyone or any cameras, so I go up to the mirror and place my hand on it. It's freezing, much colder than usual, and I rip my hand off the glass.

As I take it away, the mirror shudders. I jump back, watching as it flickers several times almost as if it were a hologram, becoming translucent for a few seconds at a time.

I can't make out anything clear, but there's definitely something on the other side. Another room, maybe? Dark's room, even? It doesn't seem as bright and vibrant as my room, more grey and black, so it would be plausible.

The mirror stops and just reflects my body back to me. I sit down on the edge of my bed, shaking hands trying to pour out tea into a cup.

Although what comes out isn't tea it all. It can only be described as dark sludge, resembling the frog that had decomposed in Pepsi from a few years ago, splattering up against the mug and some getting on my hand.

It stinks of raw sewage, making me let out a disgusted retch. I throw the mug, along with the kettle, grabbing at my head as static fills my ears.

It's at an unbearable level, probably louder than human ears could possibly withstand to the point where it's crippling, but I'm barely a human in here. I'm nothing more than half a person, half a life, half a soul.

A silent scream rips from my throat as my hands claw at my ears, desperate for it to stop. It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced, enough to drive a test subject insane within a few minutes at most.

I'm expecting to be ripped from the room, switched back into reality and back into my own body instead of it being under Dark's control, but instead I just sit there in agony for what seems like forever.

Then the static suddenly stops, and I fall backwards onto the bed, panting. My cheeks feel wet with tears, except when I go to wipe them away, red smears across my hand.

Shakily, I rush to the mirror. I look alright, just scared, but when I wipe again, there's even more blood. My reflection smiles without me smiling first and my stomach drops.

I blink and I'm slumped against the kitchen counter at home, Dark towering over me. He's screaming something, and it takes a second for my ears to listen. "Why were you with him?!"

"With who?" I whisper. "Don't fucking play dumb! You know who!" His fist connects with the side of my head, sending me to the floor. "Tommy?"

He stares daggers into me, waiting for an answer. "He makes me feel safe. You were scaring me." "And whose fault is that?" He asks. "Yours?"

He grabs a knife and I get to my feet as quick as I can, backing up. "I'm sorry! It's my fault!" He comes closer, gesturing with the blade towards me.

"Didn't I tell you not to hang out with him again, or there would be consequences?" He says. "You did. I was scared, but that's my fault-" I yelp as he makes an attempt to stab me, either playful or serious, I'm not sure.

"Tell me what I said. I know you remember." "You said things would get worse. But I think stabbing me would be taking it a little too far."

"Oh, I didn't say I was going to stab you, did I? How are you meant to learn your lesson if you're not even alive?" He smiles cruelly, reminding me of my reflection.

He turns away and walks towards the door, knife still in hand. "Don't hurt him!" I squeal. He just laughs, opening it. "Dark, please. He doesn't deserve to get involved in this."

"You already involved him." He spits, slamming the door in my face. I try to find my phone, luckily finding in the kitchen, pressing to call Tommy.

I sigh with relief when he picks up on the final ring, thinking that he wasn't going to. "Where are you?" "Driving home from the store, why?" He asks.

"Don't go home. I pissed off Dark and I think he's on his way to hurt you. Just go to a friends house or something, and hide your car. I'm so, so sorry."


	23. Chapter 23

**Dark's POV**

Squirting the fake blood on my hands and smearing some down my shirt and onto the knife, I get out the car.

Light hurries to his feet as soon as I walk in, tear stained cheeks, chasing me to the bathroom. "What did you do to him?!" He yells, looking at my hands.

"Nothing." I shrug, flipping the tap on. The knife clatters against the sink as I drop it in. "Did you kill him?!" I hold my hand up to him and he flinches.

"Smell it." "What? No! You can't-" He protests. "I said smell it." He sniffs my hand and looks at me, clearly confused. "What does it smell like?" "Fake blood?"

"Exactly. I didn't go anywhere near him. I got a sandwich and then went to Halloween World." I fish the tube of blood out of my pocket and put it on the side, watching as he examines it while I wash my hands.

"So Tommy's fine?" He asks suspiciously. "Completely okay," I nod, "I just wanted to scare you." "But you said-"

"I know what I said, but you learnt, didn't you? Maybe it won't be a joke next time." I say. "Why didn't you do anything though?"

"Because you're not going to trust me if I keep hurting people, are you? I know I get angry sometimes and I can't control myself, but I want to have an actual relationship with you. So...I'm sorry."

"Why? You've spent your entire life without me just fine, so why now?" "I'm so desperate for..." I trail off, trying to find the right word. Companionship? Love? Those aren't right.

"A purpose. Was I really put here on the planet for your entertainment? Was I created to satisfy your curiosity of seeing how a character, aware of their literary existence will act? And the author for testing their writing abilities? But what about me? What do I get out of this? Am I supposed to get anything out of this? I don't want to be like this. I just someone to display some real, genuine affection."

I let out a forced laugh, looking into Light's frightful eyes. "But here I am. And I keep scaring you so much that I've probably ruined all chances of ever having that with you."

"I want to love you but if you keep hurting me and the people around me I can't." He mumbles. "I know. And I always feel bad after I hurt you. I don't like what I do, and I want to change."

"I can help you." He offers, handing me a towel when he realises my hands are still dripping. "Do you really think you can fix me?" I frown. "No. But I will show you that you're not broken."

***  
 **Light's POV**

I saw his lifeless body through the bedroom door. I couldn't even walk up to his body, just hanging there from the rope around his neck. My heart sinks, further than it ever has before. A thousand thoughts race through my mind. Anger, sadness, confusion - So many emotions fog my mind and I break down crying.

I open my eyes in the darkness, heart thumping. Terror and anger fill me. I want to scream, yell, cry out all the fear and frustration that is running cold in my veins.

I press the home button on my phone, lighting up the screen. I frown at the numbers; 5am. It's the fourth time I've woken up tonight, and just 47 minutes since I last opened my eyes to try and escape my dreams. They're particularly bad tonight, and Sauli isn't here to comfort me like usual.

Ever since Dark told me that Sauli hanged himself - Well, since Dark killed him - I haven't been able to get the image out of my mind.

I used to call Sauli my baby and my sunshine. I love him to death and we were meant to be happy ever after. He even told me that he thought us meeting was his destiny.

I roll over onto my back and a sob rips from my throat. I just want him back, I want to hold him in my arms and make him food and give him all the affection that I can, but Dark took him from me.

I hear a noise outside the door and I try to muffle my cries in the duvet, holding my breath to stop them from coming out.

The bed dips and I let out a shaky breath. "I know you're awake," Dark sighs, "What's the problem?" "I miss Sauli." I sniff.

He sighs again, pulling the covers from over my head. "Crying isn't going to bring him back though, is it?" "I know, but aren't I allowed to be upset that you killed him?"

"It's not going to change anything though, so why not move on? I don't get it." He frowns. "Of course you wouldn't. You never get anything." I scowl, wiping my eyes.

"What's that suppose to mean?" "Forget about it. Can I be left alone to sleep now?" I snatch the covers back. "Not until you tell me."

"You never understand anything! You're crazy," I see him flinch as I raise my voice, "All you can do is hurt, you don't even know how to comfort!

"I didn't mean to make you angry. I try to be gentle, but I can't control myself sometimes. It's hard to express my feelings." He says. "It's not that hard. You just have to say how you're feeling."

"And you say I don't understand anything." He scoffs, standing up. I get out of bed, crossing my arms. "Why don't you tell me then? Is it because your childhood was just  _so_  terrible?" I ask sarcastically.

"I had a shitty childhood and you know it." He seethes, balling his hands into fists. "All that happened is your room was the loft and you were ignored sometimes, that's not shitty at all. At least you  _had_  a home, unlike some children."

He shoves me backwards and I crash into the bedside table, squeezing my eyes shut momentarily at the pain. "You don't know anything about me. You have no idea."

"Because you don't tell me." I argue. "If you want to know so bad, then sit down and shut up." I sit on the bed, waiting for him to get on with it.

"My first memory is from 3 years old when I was thrown across our dining room," He starts, "Grandma had gone out to the store because she was staying with us and she took you, leaving me alone with mom while dad was at work.

He came home earlier than expected, for whatever reason. He stormed through the front door, heading directly for his and mom's room in the back of the house. I heard them fighting and curious 3 year old me slid off of the chair, tip-toeing towards the hallway.

I was half-way through the dining room when I heard the distinct sound of skin on skin. I found out when I was 16 that he had slapped her. I ran the rest of the way across the dining room to see what was going on.

He came storming down the hallway, his face filled with a rage I had never seen before in my short life. I stood there, looking up at him as he towered over me. I asked him what the matter was, not realizing that speaking to him in that state was a dangerous thing to do.

He yanked me up in front of him, gripping me tightly by my arms. He shook me violently, screaming in my face. I cried and he yelled that if I kept crying he'd give me something to cry about.

Then he threw me and I hit the linoleum floor of the dining room, somersaulting backwards on the carpet of the living room. He stormed towards me, a murderous gleam in his eyes.

Somehow I managed to crawl away before he could reach me. I tucked myself into the space between a desk and the wall. He couldn't reach me. That's where I stayed until grandma came home with you. She found me curled up into a tight ball, fast asleep.

Neil came along and he never laid a finger on him. The abuse continued until I was 18 years old. You came out as gay and he finally hurt you. It didn't matter how many beatings I took, but the moment he touched you was the moment mom decided to leave. But before she finally left him for good, my injury count was insane.

He had broken my ribs multiple times, 4 on my right side, 3 on my left. Dislocated my knee by shoving me down the stairs. Broken my nose by punching me directly in the face.

Broken my cheekbone by shoving me into a bookcase after I managed to get you somewhere safe when he locked us out of the house at 11:30 at night on Christmas.

He even threw me into the rear windshield of our car and caused me to bruise my spinal cord from the sheer force.

Oh, and my favorite, he put a butcher knife to my neck threatening to kill me and then himself if mom divorced him. He did a bunch of other stuff too but I can't remember most of it.

But none of that even comes close to the fact that he raped me at 9 years old after bashing my head into the taps of the bath tub. I woke up cold, naked, and wrapped in sheets covered in blood. I knew what he had done was wrong, but for some reason I still loved him. So I took the sheets off my bed despite the pain and walked them down to the dumpsters in the middle of the night. No one ever found out.

I find it hard to express my feelings now because I blocked out the few positive ones I have that were left over from you, and it scares me because I remember him always telling me that I'm not allowed to cry."

"Oh my god. Dark, I-I'm so sorry. Why didn't anybody ever find out?" "My teachers didn't care and the authorities never caught on because we continuously went to different hospitals.

I was trained from a young age by him to lie. Keep it simple, keep it consistent, and keep quiet unless asked directly. Those were the 3 rules, and when you've had numerous beatings, you learn to follow the rules very quickly.

The closest he ever came to getting caught was when I got thrown into the car windshield. Even then I lied, knowing that he would kill me and probably you and Neil. I had to protect you guys from him."

I pull him into a hug, feeling him struggle to get away. "I don't want your sympathy. What's done is done, it's in the past." He murmurs, prying me off him.

"I feel so bad for you though." I sniff. "I don't want you to. I just want you to understand that I can't express my emotions very well because I never learnt to."

"I understand. I'm so, so, so sorry for saying it wasn't that bad, I didn't know-" "Shut  _up_ , Light. I don't want to be coddled. Just leave me alone." He gives me one last look and walks out.

I grab his wrist, stopping him. He tenses, giving me an angry look. I let go and struggle to get my words out. "Do you want to get breakfast later?"

"Are you doing this out of pity?" He asks suspiciously. "No. I just want to spend time with you."

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay. I'll pick it up and we can eat it here or find somewhere to go." "We could go sit on the beach and watch the sunrise? I ask gingerly.

I assume that he'll laugh and call it a stupid idea, but instead he smiles slightly. "Sure. Get dressed then, we don't want to miss it."


	24. Chapter 24

**Dark's POV**

"What did you get?" Light asks as he sits down on the beach next to me, creating a dip in the sand.

I dig through the bag and give him the spinach and mushroom omelette, seeing his face light up, then frown when I pull out my French toast. "That's so unhealthy," He tuts, "Thanks for mine though."

"It's good, unlike your vegetable thingy." I shrug, giving him a coffee too. "I had this when I was on tour and it's actually amazing."

I hold up a piece of toast, telling him to take a bite. He does and scrunches his face up. "That's  _so_  sweet. How can you eat that, especially for breakfast? Now you have to try mine."

"I hate healthy things." I scowl, but take a small bite and hesitantly swallow. "Well? Good, right?" "I'll stick to my French toast." He rolls his eyes and blows on his coffee.

While I'm busy cramming my breakfast in my mouth, Light slaps my arm. "Look! The sunrise is so pretty!" "I can see." I laugh. "You're not looking." He pouts. "I'm literally staring at it with my eyes. It's cute."

I watch the sun come up, which is nice, I guess. I don't really get it since it's just the sky changing colours and it happens every single day, but it keeps Light entertained.

"We should probably go back now." I say once I've thrown our trash away. "Yeah." He frowns, letting me help him up.

When we get home, I remember something and dig through my pocket, handing him some Arnicare cream. "Here. It's meant to reduce pain, swelling and discolouration."

He takes it and smiles slightly. "Thanks." "Hopefully it'll help with your face and if there's anything on your body. I felt bad, so..." I shrug, beginning to walk off.

He stop me, sitting me on the couch. "Can we talk about what you told me this morning?" "I don't want to talk about that." I shake my head.

"I just-" "I said no. I hate it." I refuse. "I only wanted to make sure, you know what dad did to you isn't okay, right?" "Yes. I'm not stupid."

"Then why do you do it to other people? Why do you do it to me?" He asks. I don't say anything, not looking at him. "Dark?"

"I just get angry, okay?" I answer. "But if you've experienced it, then you know it just makes the person scared. It doesn't necessarily solve anything."

"It makes the person or animal behave. They do whatever you want them to because they become scared of you." I reason. "Hitting me isn't going to make me do what you want any faster, you know."

"I don't like doing it, Light, but what else am I meant to do?" "Sit down and talk about it calmly like we are now?" He suggests, about to get a slap for being sarcastic.

"I can't think straight when I'm mad. I-It's overpowering, something that I wish that I could turn off. When I feel that anger that makes my hands shake and my head spin, I need to  _attack_. It's how I'm programmed, I can't change, it's an unbearable need to  _hurt_ , and if I don't take it out on someone else, it gets taken out on myself."

"Is that why there's so many scars on your arms?" He asks. "Some of them. Most of them are from when I was a teenager." I shrug. "Can I see?"

"No. I don't like showing people." "You've let me see before." He frowns. "No means no." "Now you realise that." He mumbles.

"You always make snarky comments like that. If you're so insistent about us talking about issues, instead of muttering shit under your breath, why don't you just tell me?" I snap.

"How come the 'no' rule applies to you, but not to me? I was screaming "No" and "Stop" both times you raped me, and you didn't even care!" He points out.

"It's not like that." I reply, getting frustrated. "Then what is it like, huh? Part of me hates you, Dark. Part of me loves you. Part of me says all siblings have their fights, but the other part of me can't believe I let you abuse me. You're so fucking manipulative."

"I don't like what I do! I feel miserable after!" I shoot up from the couch, glaring at him.

"I don't care that you regret it after, you never apologise and you pretend it didn't happen. You don't deserve me. I'm gonna leave one day and you're not going to find me, and I'll never come back. If you love me, treat me better."

"I'm trying." I growl. "It doesn't look like it. I'm sick of you treating me like shit. Sometimes I wish dad  _had_  killed you." He snarls back.

There's a sickening crunch as I punch him, his head snapping back, making my hand throb in pain. He slumps back against the couch, blood trickling down his nose.

Tangling my fingers in his hair, I slam my fist into his face repeatedly, throwing him into the kitchen. He lands in a pile, groaning as he struggles to get up.

I kick him hard enough that he flies backwards and breaks the glass in the doors leading outside. I drag him out there and slam his face down onto the concrete continuously, screaming at him.

I'm so angry that I don't even know what I'm yelling, it burns my throat and I don't stop until I feel tears falling from my eyes.

Looking at Light, face down in a pool of his own blood, shocks me back to reality. Glancing at my hands, they're smeared in the red liquid, shaking uncontrollably.

I throw up as I roll Light over, seeing the damage I've done to his face. He doesn't look recognisable anymore, and I'm not even sure if he's alive.

"Fuck. Oh  _god,_ I-" I choke on a sob, checking for a pulse on him. I feel it and sigh in relief, but I know I've royally screwed up this time.

He has no teeth left, all scattered on the floor, just bleeding gums left, and his nose looks broken beyond repair. I shudder, unable to see fully how badly I've beaten him due to all the blood.

He moves his arm and I realise he's just about conscious. "Light? Can you hear me?" I nudge him gently and he flinches. "I'm going to send you to your room, okay? You'll be safe there. I'm so sorry."

Focusing hard, I feel relived when I start to get dizzy, meaning that it's working. Light's vision merges with my own and I smile, knowing he's in his yellow room now.

There's little meters to the side of his view, showing me that he's pretty much in critical condition.

There's no way I could take him to the hospital, so I'm going to have to fix him myself. I've only had to do this once before, so hopefully I remember how.

Switching most of my control to Light, I make the little screen come up. I almost laugh, I feel like I'm hacking my own brother, but it's not something I should laugh about. I did this to him.

After a lot of trail and error, almost screwing up far worse, I get it right. The meters start slowing creeping up, and once it builds up energy, he'll start repairing faster, and when I give him back control, he'll be as good as new.

Putting most of my control back into my own body, I stand up and start to drag him back inside, but I collapse next to him.

The next thing I know, I'm in my room, painted grey and black. I must have been too weak to carry on, but I know Light is on the other side of the mirror.

This has never happened before though - One of us has always been in control at all times, but what's going to happen if neither of us are?


	25. Chapter 25

**Dark's POV**

_// Flashback //_

Laying in bed, I hear Neil running into Adam's room. I leant to know who's walking around by of the sound of their footsteps.

Adam's room is over by the small chest of drawers that my clothes are in, so trying to be as quiet possible, I go over and put my ear to the floor.

I think I hear Neil jumping on his bed, and Adam groaning for him to go away.

"But it's your birthday! Come on, get up!" He exclaims. I frown at that, knowing that Neil isn't going to be coming and wishing me a happy birthday too.

Soon, I hear Adam and Neil going downstairs and I sigh. Today is going to be just like every other day for me. Adam's going to be getting presents and going out for lunch with some friends, Neil and our parents, where as I'm just going to be turning a year older.

10 years old. I've finally hit double digits. 8 more years and I can get out of this stupid attic and get my own back on everyone. Assuming I don't run away first, that is.

I grab a book off the small pile and go sit in the chair by the small window. It's raining a little bit, but I find the sound of it pelting the glass sort of comforting.

I get lost in the words, almost at the end already, and only realise when I hear the faint ring of the doorbell. It's probably the first of Adam's friends.

Sure enough, I hear him greeting someone and thanking them for what I assume is a present. Over the next hour, more of his friends come to the house.

My heart pounds in my ears as I go over to the ladder, trying to beat out of my chest. After wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans, I open the attic hatch and drop down, squeezing my eyes shut at the loudish thud.

The ladder would have been too noisy to use and besides, I can get back up without it. Plus it doesn't really hurt, since it's not that far of a drop.

If dad, or even mom, catches me out here, I'm screwed. I make my way towards the living room, staying as quiet as possible.

Looking through the crack in the door, I can see the table with some presents on which Adam has opened already, along with his friends sitting on the couches. I even spot grandma and I instantly feel jealous.

I jump back when I see them all stand up, quickly tip-toeing into the dining room and hiding behind the door.

Luckily, they don't come in. They just get their coats and leave, probably going to lunch. After I hear the cars leave, I go into the living room and scan Adam's presents.

Mostly just toys, a chess board, some SFX makeup, a book and a bag of candies. I bite my lip, shoving the miniature Rubik's cube in my pocket.

I jump when I hear the front door open, and I crawl under the end table that's in the corner. "Adrian?" Dad says, and I pray that he doesn't find me.

He goes upstairs, towards the attic, still calling out for me. When I don't answer, I assume he sticks his head up there, and finds out I'm not there.

"Where the fuck are you?!" He shouts, sounding angrier now. I shoot out from under the table and cross through into the kitchen, dragging a chair across the floor so it makes a noise.

He hears like I hoped and I hear him stomping down the stairs. By the time he's in the kitchen, I'm upstairs, hoisting myself back into the attic. Using the bookcase beside the hatch as a footing, I lift myself up by my arms.

"You're going to be sorry." Dad growls, and I make sure I have my innocent voice on as I shout back. "I was asleep, sorry. What is it?"

He comes back upstairs and sees me poking my head out of the hatch. "You weren't in bed when I looked."

"I was reading by the window and fell asleep in the chair," I shrug, "Aren't you meant to be out for Adam's meal?"

He tells me to push the ladder down, so I do and he sits next to me on my bed after climbing up. "It's both of your birthdays today, and it's the big number. Your mom and I agreed that you've been behaving, so we were doing to order something to-go from the restaurant, and bring it back to you."

I wonder if there's a catch, but he seems genuine about it. "Thanks. You don't have to, though." "Well, we want to."

_// End of flashback //_

I never did get the food. Dad found out about the Rubik's cube that I had stuffed under my pillow, so I got punished.

Feeling like I'm being watched, I look at the mirror. Instead of my reflection, I see Light looking at me from the floor where he's sitting.

I'm not sure what the it's properties are, it has a mind of its own, sometimes choosing to be a real mirror or be semi-transparent, or be completely clear like a window.

While realising how creepy the mirror actually is, Light pushes something towards it. I get up from sitting on the edge of my bed to see what it is.

By his feet, I see a chessboard, with the corner chipped off. My jaw drops when I realise it's his gift, and the corner missing is from when dad threw it at me in a fit of rage.

Confronted by a sudden flush of anger, I turn to the bookcase next to me and throw it to the ground, kicking it across the room.

I see Light flinch out the corner of my eye, and I turn back to him, silently screaming at him. "What's wrong with you?! I hate you!"

He looks into his lap, squeezing his eyes shut. "You're pathetic, Light! My life would be so much better if you didn't exist!"

He shoots up, punching the mirror. It cracks and he looks at it horror, then at the oxygen display on the wall as it drops from 100% to 70%, rapidly dropping to 40%.

I turn away, grabbing the bottle of vodka off the table in front of the couch to calm down. There's a cup next to it, but I just tear the lid off and chug some, letting it burn my throat.

The rooms have never run out of oxygen before, so I'm not sure what would happen. It's faltered before, like now, but 40% is the lowest it's ever been, and that's probably not very safe.

I wipe my mouth, turning back around, except Light isn't there anymore. There's nowhere to hide, meaning he must have gained consciousness again.

The rate at which time progresses in here is completely random - It can range from a few seconds to a few days. This means that Light is either completely healed, or about to bleed to death.

I'm also not sure when I'm going to go back, as I have no control over that. So Light is either going to be half way across the world by the time I'm conscious again, and I'm never going to find him, or he'll be laying right next to me.

The problem is that whenever Light's in the room, I'm in control, meaning that I can give him back control whenever I want to.

But Light can't be in control of me. I know that with enough time, we just get dispersed from the room, but I never know how long it's going to be.

Sighing, I go over to the bookshelf and pick it back up, lining the books up again. I might as well do something to pass the time.


	26. Chapter 26

**Light's POV**

"What the fuck?" I hear the voice of Leah, my manager. I snap awake, realising that I'm outside, laying next to Dark.

My blood is smeared all over the concrete and glass door is smashed. Shooting up, I run inside and to the bathroom.

Examining myself in the mirror, I'm confused. I look fine, more fine than I did before Dark beat me up.

"What's happening?" Leah asks, appearing at the doorway. "I-I'm sorry." I mumble. "I don't understand, Adam. I saw all these crazy videos of you and a double-"

"Please don't tell anyone. I'll explain, but this would ruin me if it gets out. You have to keep this between us." "I can't promise anything."

After I've explained and answered questions, I see Dark coming in from outside. "At least I tried to bring you inside. You just left me there." He mutters, stopping in his tracks as he notices Leah.

"This is my manager." I tell him. "I know. Why is she here?" "She was worried, so she came round to make sure I was okay."

He turns to Leah, eyebrow raised. "When did you get here?" "The door was unlocked and nobody was answering, so I came in and you two were passed out, I guess, outside. Adam woke up when I got here."

"Are you stupid?!" He shouts at me, "Anybody could have walked in! Lock your door!" I frown at that. "I was through the door first, so you should have locked it."

"This is your house and your career. You're responsible for what happens, not me. If you want to leave your door open to let anybody come in and discover us, that's up to you. You're so lucky it's just your stupid manager."

"I wouldn't have to be worried about people ' _discovering us'_  if you'd stop beating the shit out of me! You say this is my house and my career, but you decided to come and intrude and imposter on everything I've worked for!"

"I didn't want to come live here. Dad sold everything I've ever had." He sighs. "Well, he's dead now, because of you, so you can get your own house. I don't want you here. You've caused nothing but trouble!"

"I don't have anything, money included! If I could get an apartment, I would, but I can't." He says. "I'll get you a place then."

"I don't want your charity! I'm not some pity case! He shouts, eyes glowing a dark gold, "Money can't solve everything! You wouldn't even have this career if it wasn't for me!"

"What are you guys talking about?" Leah asks quietly. "I convinced him to go on Idol." Dark tells her. "He convinced himself during Burning Man." She snorts.

"Look at us, dumb fuck. We're twins. I was tired of his stupid complaining about not going anywhere with his music, so I talked him into it."

"Don't speak to her like that." I scowl. He turns to me, smirking. "I'll talk to whoever I want, however I want."

"You don't scare me anymore. I'm done with your shit." I reply confidently. His hand shoots out, picking me up by my shirt, and I flinch. "Not scared, my ass." He laughs, letting me drop to the floor.

I get up, shouting. "I'm tired of waking up everyday, afraid of what is going to set you off next! I'm tired of being scared all the time, and anxious, and sad, and alone." "I thought you  _weren't_  scared?" He chuckles.

"My friends have given up trying to ask me if I want to go out because they know the next time they see me, I'll be covered in bruises because you've hit me so hard that I black out and you throw me into walls and through doors. I'm tired of walking on eggshells, trying to please you, when I know I can't. You say that it's all dads fault, but you've always been like this!" I yell.

"He was nothing but a blubbering alcoholic that tormented our family for  _years_! I watched him beat mom within an inch of her life every time he would come home, and I stood there silently as he screamed and threatened to beat you, Neil and I the same way!" He yells back, "He's a piece of shit and deserves to burn in hell! I saw what was happening to us and the only way I knew how to express my anger was by replicating his actions!"

**Dark's POV**

"You're not even real! I'm fucking crazy!" Light screams in my face, shoving me back. Out of instinct, I slap him so hard that he falls to the floor, crying out at the pain.

My boot meets his stomach and he curls up in a ball, clutching his cheek with one hand and his stomach with the other.

" _You're not even real_." He sobs. Leah stands up and I feel my anger drain away as she drops to her knees, trying to comfort him.

"Get off of me!" He shrieks, scrambling to his feet. I try to stop him, trying to apologise, but he throws me off.

He grabs the car keys off of the kitchen counter and runs through to the garage. Before I can stop him, he's speeding off in the silver BMW.

"What's wrong with you?" Light's manager spits. "I didn't mean to." I frown. She just rolls her eyes, walking through the front door, and I hear her car start.


	27. Chapter 27

**Dark's POV**

After tearing up Tommy's house and not finding Light there, I get a cab over to Neil's. The front door isn't locked, so I go in without knocking.

I hear Light shouting, and a few crashes. He comes bounding towards me when he hears me and he shoves me backwards again, yelling in my face like earlier. "You need to get away from me! I've figured out your stupid game, and I'm not playing it anymore!"

"What are you even talking about?" I sigh, giving Neil a tired look. He just shrugs, taking a sip from a beer and offering me one.

"You're not real. I've finally snapped, gone cuckoo," Light tells me confidently, voice a bit calmer, "I don't have it all figured out yet, but if I can just ignore you, forget you exist...Maybe I can be normal again."

"If I wasn't real, why would I be standing right here, talking to you?" I raise an eyebrow, twisting the cap off my beer. "Yes. You're messing with my head."

"He's real, Light. I know it's a lot to take in, but you're acting insane right now." Neil says. "You too? You're supposed to be on my side." Light scowls, sitting up on the kitchen counter.

Neil rolls his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm not taking sides. I'm simply stating facts. If you've gone crazy and somehow created Dark in your mind, then how come I'm interacting with him and talking to him? How come I have been for 18 years?"

"What do you mean? That means you would have found out about him when you were 10." Light asks.

"He did," I interject, chuckling at the memory of Neil's confused face, "He came up into the attic when he stayed home from school, sick, and we started talking."

"You knew about him the entire time?! And you never had the decency to tell me?! You had to leave it up to dad on his fucking death bed, which this maniac is responsible for, by the way!" Light shouts, jumping down from the counter and honestly scaring me a little bit.

I haven't seen him like this before, eyes wild, hands clenching into shaking fists, body tense and angry. It dawns on me that I've never seen him this way before because it's always me taking over - He can't get this angry because we'll switch before he can, but it's somehow not happening this time.

I swallow hard and Neil frowns. "Calm down. I didn't know when the best time to tell you was, but when Dark killed dad, it was kind of just sprung on you."

"How can you say that so casually?! He  _murdered_  our parents!" Light roars, turning on me, "Why would you even do that?!"

"I was protecting you and Neil. That's always been my goal. If I could have killed him as a teenager, I would have-" He cuts me off. "I don't need protecting!"

"You don't know what happened. Dad was going to hurt you. I couldn't let him-" I try to explain, but he just keeps cutting me off, annoyingly.

"Whatever it was, I'm sure I would have been fine. You didn't have to end his life." He says.

"You don't understand. He would have done anything in his power to get to you. He was going to totally ruin your career, your relationship, you probably would have ended up in prison, or you could have wound up dead in a ditch somewhere. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I care about you, and I didn't want to see that happen."

"What was the big problem then? I didn't do anything to piss him off." He asks. "You were happy with Sauli," I mumble with a shrug as I put my beer on the side, "He hated seeing any of us happy, and the fact that you're living your dream and was in a good place in your life was too much."

"That sounds so fake. You're a terrible liar." He laughs. "He's telling the truth, actually." Neil tells him.

"Whatever. He killed mom and Sauli, too. I bet he can't give me a valid reason for that." Light looks at me expectantly. "Sauli was using you and mom just got in the way."

Suddenly Light's screaming at me, so loud I can't even make out the words, fists raining down on me as he throws me to the floor.

I clamp my hands over my ears, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to shut out his anger. I feel my cheeks getting wet with tears and my breath comes out in stutters, my body desperately trying to hold it in.

Everything feels fuzzy and sharp at the same time, each hit explodes into pain but also feels dull and each word pierces my skin and makes my sobs come out louder.

I feel Neil pulling him off of me, trying to calm him down. I sit up, scooting back until my back hits the wall and I wipe my eyes, although it's obvious I was crying.

Light's kneeling on the floor, staring at his hands. There's vomit on the front of his shirt and I'm pretty sure it's his.

He frowns at me and I pull my knees into my chest, trying to get my breathing back to normal. Usually I'd fight back, but he terrified me, I could only freeze.

Then Neil's crouched in front of me and I let him squeeze me in a hug, but only for a second. "Light's gone upstairs to change his t-shirt. He didn't hurt you too badly, but you've got a cut above your eye that I should probably put some antiseptic on."

He gets up and goes upstairs to the bathroom to find the antiseptic. I get up from the floor and go upstairs too, spotting Light in Neil's bedroom, rummaging around for a clean shirt.

He grabs one and pulls it over his head, jumping when he spots me in the doorway. "I'm sorry about getting mad." He says. "It's okay. You just surprised me, that's all. I deserved it, though."

I go into the room and look at the pictures on the wall of Neil and his wife - Speaking of her, where  _is_ Elisse?

I turn around, about to ask Light, but he's holding a 9mm semiautomatic Glock pistol. "Where did you find that?" I ask, shocked. Light hates guns.

"It was just in the drawer." He answers, turning it over in his hands. "Put it back. You don't want to accidentally fire it and shoot your foot off."

Assuming he's going to put it back where it belongs, I look back at the pictures, still wondering where Elisse is.

Except Light's running out of the room a second later, gun in hand. Sprinting down the stairs, I realise he's going straight for the front door and I shout for Neil while going after Light.

Neil chases after me, wondering what the problem is. "He has your gun!" I panic, not being able to stop him before he gets in the car and speeds off, yet again.

"What do you mean, he has my gun?" Neil gives me a confused look. "He got it out of the drawer and ran off with it. We need to go after him."

Neil grabs his car keys and he shoves me into his car, trying to find where Light went. "I don't know what the fuck has gotten into him, but it's not good." "No shit, Sherlock." I reply.

Ignoring my sarcasm, he bites his lip. "Can you switch with him? You told me that you're finding it easier to control him without being forced to."

I try to focus hard, trying to force Light into his room, but it's like he's pushing me back and not letting me take over.

"I can't. Fuck, this is bad." I grit my teeth, worried about Light. "Try harder. I don't even know what direction he went in."

"I  _am_ trying. It's not working." I tell him. He breaks abruptly and I notice the BMW abandoned. "You keep driving around, I'm going to see if he's in any of the alleys." I get out of the car, jogging as Neil drives away.

The first couple of alleys are just dark and empty, excluding the one where a couple of homeless men were shooting some kind of drug, until I find Light pacing back and forth. He spins around and points the gun right at me.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song in the chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fP8ElyrwtEc  
> circles by eden

**Dark's POV**

"Kneel, hands up, before I blow your head off." Light growls, waving the gun in my direction. I comply, dropping to my knees with my hands in the air, swallowing hard.

_If I told you how this story ends, would you change a step you take?_

"Put the gun down. We can talk about this." I say calmly. "Shut up!" He screams, tears streaming down his face. His hand shakes and I'm actually worried about him putting a bullet in my head, probably capable of anything in this state.

_And if I could relive all of my days, I'd live them all the same._

"Light-" I spot the split second of hesitation before he squeezes the trigger, giving me just enough time to move, feeling the bullet skim past my head. I clamp my mouth shut, hearing him let out a sob.

_'Cause I'm scared, of all that I don't know, 'cause I want it all, but all of it ain't gold._

"Why won't you just die?" He cries, "You've caused me nothing but pain!" I wonder what would happen if he killed me. Would we merge? Would I just simply die? Would it cause Light to die too, physically unable to live without my existence?

_And I'm scared, but I know it's not for long_.

"I can't do this anymore. I thought we could make it work, but you're a monster, Dark," He whispers, stepping closer to me, "I don't understand. Why are we so fucked up?"

_'Cause I'm learning what I should've long before._

He places the barrel of the gun to my forehead and I close my eyes, steadying my breathing. The prospect of death has never truly scared me. I've always been curious about it, sure, sometimes craving the sweet release.

_That all we are, is a light into the darkness_.

But this - This frightens me, just a little bit. Light could easily end me. And I'm worried about what would happen if I were to die. Everything I've ever done was to keep Light safe, not sure of the consequences if I was unable to do so, but knowing that they wouldn't be good.

_And all we are, is time that's counting down._

I hear Light's shaky breath, the soft cries escaping. I'm not expecting the gun to be lifted away, hearing him step back. My eyes blink open and he stumbles, pulling on his hair. "Oh,  _god._ I can't do it." He drops to his knees too, crouched over into a ball, putting the gun to his skull instead.

_And all we are, is falling through the spaces in between_.

I shuffle towards, lowering my hands. "Give it to me. You don't need to do this." I hold my palm out, but he just gives me a crazed look. "Get away from me. Don't fucking touch me."

_Endless flight, a lifetime in repeat._

"C'mon, Light. We need to go home." I sigh, attempting to wrestle the gun out of his hands. His eyes darken, gripping my wrists to the point that his knuckles turn white, screaming as loud as he could possibly muster at me.

_But I still find solace when you say that you know how I feel._

Hands clutching my throat, he lifts me up off the floor, slamming me back down into the concrete. "I hate you!  _I hate you!_  I wish you were dead, I don't even care anymore!"

_When it's wrong, and we ain't been right for years_.

He continues screaming, probably turning his throat raw, spit hitting me in the face as I start to struggle to breath. "I wish dad had killed you! I wish you didn't even exist! I hate you so much, I want you to fucking die!"

_Let go, give these ghosts a new home._

My blood boils with rage as he shoves the gun into my mouth and suddenly his weight on me is nothing, his hands on me squeezing are nothing.

_And let's bury our past and our fears and all these bones._

I throw him off me, wrenching the gun out of his hands, tucking it into the waistband of my jeans. My boot slams down on his head hard enough that he blacks out instantly.

**Light's POV**

I blink back into consciousness as Dark bundles me into the trunk of the BMW, slamming it shut. I'm submerged into darkness and I panic, hearing him get into the car and begin driving.

_And let's go, I should've seen it long before._

I try banging, to no avail. I can hear the sound of other cars on the road and I try shouting, but it doesn't work. Nobody would stop, anyway.

_'Cause this is my life._

There's usually an emergency button or lever in the trunk, and I struggle to find it in the dark as I twist my body around, and soon I spot the glow in the dark latch and flip it, breathing out a sigh of relief as the trunk springs open.

_I will not run in circles._

The car driving behind slams on the breaks and I seize the opportunity, jumping out of the trunk. I hit the road less delicately than I hoped and I grit my teeth, groaning at the pain as I slam down on the concrete, rolling for half a metre.

_Ending where I start._

There's no time to lay around and cry, though, I get up and start running. Risking a look over my shoulder, I see the BMW stop and Dark getting out, chasing me down the side of the highway.

_So hold on to me._

Pushing my legs to run faster, heart thumping in my chest and blood rushing in my ears, I can't get the air into my body quick enough.

_We'll burn out slowly._

The arm wrapping around my throat pulls me back and I gasp, stopping in my tracks. I struggle against Dark, trying my best to get him off.

_And feel our hearts leap, to words we don't mean._

At the angle of the chokehold he's got me in, I manage to kick him in the crotch. It startles him and his grip loosens enough for me to get free, sprinting away.

_Love means nothing to me._

Jumping over the rail, I cross over into the wooded area next to the road. Weaving through the trees, it's doing nothing to lose Dark.

_'Cause I don't know what it is._

He catches up, grabbing a fistful of my hair and pulling on it so hard that I fly towards the floor. But before I hit the dirt, I'm being thrown into the yellow room, Dark on the other side of the mirror.

**Dark's POV**

Ripping the pages from the books on my shelf, I throw them to the floor, doing anything I can to satisfy my anger, except it's not working. I grab the chair and knock it over, knowing I look like a toddler having a tantrum right now.

_I'm just dying to be, all that I've been dreaming of._

Glancing over at Light, he's standing in front of the mirror, watching me. I sit down, shaking from the amount of anger in my veins. He always manages to say the exact thing that's going to piss me off to the point where I lose control.

_And words betray me._

I fish my lighter out of my pocket, running my fingers through the flame to try and calm myself. I get up, throwing the lighter onto the pile of paper, watching it immediately catch fire.

_Contradict all that I stand for._

Light looks shocked, mouthing 'What the fuck?'  and I laugh as the fire starts getting out of control, dark smoke filling both of our rooms.

_But I'm still learning._

He starts coughing uncontrollably, the oxygen level on the wall rapidly dropping, going from a calm, safe blue to a dangerous, alarming red, displaying the numbers:  **"10%"**

_I'm still learning._

I watch as Light starts to suffocate, dropping to the ground, clutching his stomach as he coughs, desperately trying to get oxygen into his lungs.

_That all we are..._

His hands claw at the mirror, tears flowing down his face, trying to get back up, but he can't. He slumps against the mirror, struggling to stay alive.

_Is a light into the darkness._

In a sudden flash of anger, fists clenched as hard as possible, I kick the mirror with all of my strength - Right where Light is fighting for breath.

_And we are just time that's counting down._

He sways as the mirror cracks, and I hear the ear piercing, gut wrenching scream that escapes as he goes limp, eyes slipping shut. We aren't able to make sound in here and I'm frozen to the spot as the mirror shatters, creating a hole.

_And all we are..._

"Light?" I whisper, shaking again but this time from nerves. He doesn't reply, doesn't even breath. The oxygen meter on the wall is off and I look back at Light, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder, but before I can touch him I'm being launched back into reality.

_Is falling through the spaces in between_.

Looking down, I see Light laying under me. The red, blue, purple and black marks on his throat are tell-tale signs that there's nothing I can do to fix this - He's dead. It's all my fault, too.

_Endless flight._

Still, I try. I try to shake him awake, pleading, begging for him to open his eyes. I try to apologise, yelling that I'm so, so, so sorry. I even try CPR, but nothing works. He's gone.

_We're falling to our knees._

I can't stop the cries that come out, jumping up from the ground. I killed Light. My phone ringing in my pocket stops my brain from racing and I see the several missed calls from Neil, finally answering.


	29. Chapter 29

**Dark's POV**

"Where the fuck  _are_  you?" Neil asks when I pick up the phone. "In the trees on Mulholland Drive. Come pick me up." I reply, voice cracking, tears flowing down my cheeks silently.

"Why are you there?" He sighs as I hear the car engine start. "Stuff happened and I had to chase Light. Are you close? I hear sirens."

"For a start, why are you worried about sirens? And yeah, I'm just around the corner. Make sure I can see you and I'll stop." Neil says. "I'll explain when you're here."

I get closer to the road, waiting until I see Neil pull up. Before he's completely stopped, I open the door and jump in, almost falling over.

" _Jesus_ , Dark, you're a mess." He shakes his head. "Just drive." I take in a shuddering breath, watching as a police car with it's lights on speed past.

"But what about Light?" He frowns. "Drive!" I snap, "He's not fucking coming, he's dead! Now  _drive_!"

The car begins to move and I sink low in my seat, praying the officers can't see me. "What do you mean, he's dead?" Neil says quietly. "I killed him. It was an accident, kind of, but I don't understand why I'm still here."

"Who cares why you're still here, you  _killed_ him?! What's your bullshit excuse this time?!"  He shouts. I explain what happened, making it clear that I was angry, but I didn't mean for him to die.

"You always do this. You always somehow manage to get pissed off and you harm someone or kill them! That's not okay!" I sink lower in my seat, in shame this time.

"What are you even going to do now?! Run away? Pretend to be him? Cease to exist?" He slams his hand down on the steering wheel and I squeeze my eyes shut.

"You got yourself into this mess, Dark, and I'm not getting you out of it this time. You said when we were kids that it would never get this bad."

"And I meant that. I still do. You know that I never intended for him to die." I mumble. "I know mistakes happen, but that can't be used as an excuse for something this huge! Do you even realise how badly you've fucked up?"

"Yes." I breath out, glancing out the window. Neil just scoffs, turning on the radio. Some cheesy pop song plays, then the news begins to be read out. A car crash, a panda giving birth, a singer named Adam Lambert found dead-

"How do they know already?!" Neil yells, punching the radio off. "The cops probably found his body, identified it and called the press." He stays silent for a second before looking over at me. "Where's my gun? You didn't leave it there, did you?"

I pull it out of my waistband. "I'm not stupid. And I didn't shoot him, so you should be fine. If you want to be cautious though, you should probably find a way of destroying it." He nods, taking it from me.

"I'm scared," I admit after even more silence, "I don't know why nothing happened." "I'm not sure. Maybe there was never a way for you two to merge." Neil shrugs.

"Maybe not, but we know that Light can't live without me and visa versa, so why am I still alive?" I frown, "And it's not like nothing would have happened as he died on the outside, because he was killed in our rooms. I was thrown out of mine when he died, instead of dying too."

"He might not be dead. Try splitting." He suggests. I attempt it, but it just feels like I'm trying to squeeze out a shit and giving myself a headache. "Nope."

"What if you did merge? You might be Adam without knowing it." He says. "Impossible. I wouldn't be able to identify myself as dark or light and I wouldn't know we existed. Plus I'd probably be in an alternate universe where you didn't know we existed either."

"Then I don't know. Either something went wrong or you were wrong and Light's just simply dead." Neil sighs.

***  
Hands clutching the sink, knuckles turning white from gripping the sides so hard, I stare at myself in the mirror.

There has to be a way to end this. I can't pretend to be Light for his career, I'd get found out and I can't sing. Plus that would give 'Adam Lambert' (actually Light) a bad rep, and as much as I think Light is stupid, he's a good singer and people love him.

If I do this, and it doesn't work, then at least that's one less horrible being plaguing the Earth. If I do this, and it  _does_ work, then we can be Adam, and hopefully everything will go right this time.

I clench my jaw, growling at my reflection in pure hatred. I despise everything I've become and I can't live with myself for doing everything that I've done to Light and others. Maybe this is just a moral issue, but I still know it's can't continue.

One hand leaving the sink, I draw my arm back and slam it into the mirror, reminding me of kicking the mirror in our rooms. The glass shatters and a spot of blood from my now cut hand falls into the basin.

Turning around and tearing open the medicine cabinet, I grab the unopened bottle of Ambien sleeping medication. Ripping open the lid, I pour them into my mouth and swallow.

Obviously nothing happens right away as this isn't some cheesy movie, so I go get a beer and wait, watching some boring TV show that Light would probably find funny.

After a while, I start feeling drowsy, and I smile lazily as I try to put the beer on the table before I spill it. I fail, feeling a definite loss of motor coordination, the beer falling onto the floor.

Mumbling something incomprehensible to myself, words coming out slurred, I stand up, feeling dizzy. I stumble across into the kitchen, finding it hard to breath.

I get some tissues, going back to clean up the split beer, feeling even more dizzy as I bend down. My stomach flips, and instead of mopping up the beer, my puke joins it on the carpet and I groan, feeling shitty.

Losing my balance, I crash onto the floor, the sickly acidic smell of vomit mixed with alcohol filling my nose.

My stomach empties itself again and I clutch it, struggling badly to breath now. Warning alarms go off in my head but I'm too weak to move as I see dying light, feeling myself slip out of consciousness.


	30. Chapter 30

**Adam's POV**

Birth, childhood, adolescence and what little adulthood I've lived went by in slow motion yet too fast for me to make out anything individually, and it was like I instantly recollected every single experience of my life all at once, like one big flash of every single memory, feeling and emotion I'd ever had.

It was like abruptly remembering something so important about yourself that it completely defined you, and you had long forgotten about it, almost like I had forgotten my entire life and suddenly recalled every single second of it.   
\---

I look up at the sign above the building, squinting at the brightness.  _Don't Tell Mama_  - A popular gay barin Helsinki.

Pushing open the door, I head straight for the bar. I'm by myself and I can't see anybody that I know. Ordering a tequila, I look around, trying to find somebody that I could bring back to my room.

A few seats away I spot a cute guy, lean, with curly blond hair, sipping on what looks like a cocktail. He looks familiar, so maybe that's why I'm drawn to him.

I move closer, wondering what to say. I don't have a problem holding a conversation, but it's starting one that I struggle with.

He glances up at me with a smile and...wow. He's cuter than I thought he was, with big blue eyes and a warm smile.

Déjà vu hits me like a train, but I just take the lollipop out of my mouth, putting it into his when he opens up. I watch as he licks it, flicking his eyelashes up at me.

"What's your name, baby?" I ask, praying he can speak some English. "Sauli," He tells me, soft Finnish accent, "Yours?" "Adam. Where's your boyfriend?"

"I'm here alone." He smirks."Do you want to stay alone?" I reply with a small smirk of my own.

"You're full of questions, aren't you, Adam?"He giggles, hopping down from the bar stool he was sat on. Pressing his chest to mine, grinning up at me. "Are you going to take me back to your room, or continue to sweet talk me?"

Downing my tequila and wrapping my fingers around his wrist, I pull him outside, pressing my lips to his the second we're away from the chaos of the club.

I see a flash go off, but I just tug Sauli away from the paparazzi by the arm, bundling him into a cab.

***  
Sauli's eyes flutter open and I smile softly, kissing him, sun flooding in through the curtains. "Watching me sleep, huh?" He says. "You're pretty and I might not see you again." I shrug.

He rolls over with a groan, grabbing his phone off the bedside table. "Give me your number, we can meet up next time you're here."

After reading out my phone number, I slip some clean briefs on. "I have time for breakfast before I have to leave for the airport. Are you hungry?"

"Starving." Sauli nods, getting out of bed now and shoving his legs into his jeans which I hastily discarded last night.

I order two omelettes and coffees from room service, making out with him like teenagers until it arrives, then I eat as fast as I can while stuffing my shit back into suitcases ready for Norway.

While Sauli finishes, I go into the bathroom with my toothbrush, ready to brush my teeth. I'm confused at what I see staring back at me in the mirror: one blue eye, one golden eye.

My stomach flips, and I stumble back into the room, shoving my socked feet into my boots. I need to get away, stop this feeling of dread getting any worse.

"Are you okay?" Sauli asks curiously. "My plane's about to leave," I mumble the first lie that comes into my head, "Sorry, I don't want to just kick you out, but..."

"I get it." He finds his jacket hanging off the chair, putting it on. I kiss him again, stroking over his jaw with my thumb. "Text me when you're at the next city, just so I know you got there safely." He says.

"I will. Bye, Sauli." I hold the door open for him, hurrying him out. As soon as the door closes, I slide down it until I'm sitting on the floor, head in my hands.


	31. Chapter 31

**Adam's POV**

"You've been on edge all day, man. Is everything alright?" Tommy asks, sitting down besides me with a steaming take-out cup of tea in the airport lounge.

"It's nothing." I mumble, picking up the newspaper on the seat next to mine that somebody must have discarded. My hands shake as I turn the paper, not even reading the words, and Tommy sighs.

"Was the boy from last night into some really weird stuff or something?" I chuckle at his guess but shake my head. "What is it, then? You're all jittery and unfocused."

"Is there ever something strange about yourself, and you're not sure what it is or how to describe it, but you know it's just not right? And, like, there's something crazy going on in an alternate universe?" I ramble.

"Ah, so the problem is, you're hooked on hardcore drugs and you're too embarrassed to tell me you need rehab," Tommy jokes, "I can't say I know what you're talking abut, though. Is there anything specific or are you just super in your mind?"

"My eyes." I admit with a shrug. "What about them? I think they're cute." He says. "Most people don't have two different coloured ones, especially a yellow one."

"So you're anxious about being unique?" He raises an eyebrow, taking an experimental sip of his tea and burning his tongue.

"It's not unique, it's weird. I don't like it." I throw the newspaper back onto the seat, chipping off my black nail polish instead. "Why not?"

"You're full of questions today. I should hire you as my therapist." I comment. "I'm just bored and you're creeping the band out by being all over the place."

"So you thought you could come and fix me?" I snap, suddenly turning angry. He jumps at my tone of voice, giving me a confused look. "Calm down, man. I'm just trying to talk it out with you."

"I'm not your ' _man'_. I don't want to talk." I spit, feeling the dark coming out in me. "We don't have to talk then. Do you want some tea?" He offers the cup out to me and I knock it onto the floor, standing up. "Just leave me alone."

Admittedly, I can't stray too far away from the band or I'll miss the flight I need to get on, so I move to a chair a few rows in front. I can feel Tommy's eyes piercing the back of my head, but I just put my earphones in.

***  
I don't hear from Sauli until about a month later, when the tour has ended and I'm sitting on my couch watching whatever comes on TV.

I tried texting him a few times, but after no reply I figured he just wasn't interested or didn't have any money on his phone, so I'm taken aback a bit when he calls, sounding urgent.

"The guy I was staying with told me that he does not want me there anymore. Do you have a spare room I can sleep in for a few days? I promise not for long." He explains, choosing his words carefully as his English isn't perfect.

"I do, but I'm not in Finland, babe. I'm back home in America." I frown. He thinks for a moment before speaking again. "That's okay. I think I have the right amount for a plane ticket."

"Are you sure you don't have any friends you can stay with? You're welcome here, but it would be easier for you to stay in Finland for work and everything." I ask.

"No. I called everyone, so you are my last hope. If you don't want me to come, it's okay. I understand." He says.

"I do, I was just making sure you don't have any other options left," I find my laptop and open it up, "I'll get you a ticket to land here tomorrow so you still have some money, because you need to somehow get to the airport. I'll pick you up when you get here, just bring as much as you can and I'll get everything sorted out for you."

I hear him breath out a sigh of relief and I smile slightly. "Thank you so much, Adam. Only for a few days, until I can find someone else. I hope I'm you don't hate me."

"I don't hate you at all - You're welcome to stay for as long as you need. Let me get it done and I'll text you." I say goodbye and hang up, sinking into the couch with a groan.


	32. Chapter 32

**Adam's**   **POV**

Sauli originally stayed in the guest room, and tried to stay out of my way as best as he could, not wanting to be a burden. I knew he felt bad for practically moving himself in, but I understood, and it's nice to have company.

In the apartment I lived in before Idol, it was small enough that I could deal with being alone, and if there ever was a time that the silence was unbearable, then there was enough cockroaches to talk to. But in a house this big, I need somebody here in order to keep my sanity.

Then we started actually talking, getting to know each other properly, sharing lazy morning kisses and passionate late night kisses.

We were doing the things boyfriends do, just without the label. And I didn't really question it until he started to, and we decided to give it a go. One month in and I haven't been happier.

"Happy anniversary,  _kulta_." I whisper as Sauli's eyes flutter open. He smiles, snuggling up to me, clutching his pillow to his chest. Maybe I learnt a little bit of Finnish, no big deal. " _Minä rakastan sinua_."

"I love you too." I kiss him, grabbing my phone off the side. My morning is quickly turned sour as I see the text from Neil.

Shooting up and tugging on the first pair of jeans I see, not bothering with underwear, Sauli asks, "What's wrong?" sensing a problem. "My dad's in hospital and probably doesn't have long left. Are you coming?"

He nods, confused, getting up and dressed too. "Do you know why he is sick?" I scan over the text, frowning. "Something about poisoning."

I can feel something inside of me laughing darkly while a wave of nausea and deja vu washes over me. I grab the car keys, bundling Sauli into the passenger seat with my phone, trying to find the fastest route to the hospital.

***  
Neil stops me from going inside the room while Sauli goes and sits on a chair besides the bed. "This isn't meant to be happening. It was meant to be different this time."

"I know," I grit out, "Don't you think I tried to avoid this?" "I see no signs of you trying to avoid it, you've done everything the exact same. You went to that damn club, met Sauli and now dad's getting killed on your anniversary!" Neil whisper-shouts.

"Fine, maybe things went the almost same, but  _this_ shouldn't be happening. Now we have to go through this whole thing again and I have to try again!"

"You can still change it, you know. Don't go to the motel, and break up with Sauli. Make him go back to Finland so he's safe, then just stay away from mom."

"That's so drastic, Neil. I can just do things differently next time. I love Sauli." I frown. "There might not be a next time,  _Light_ ," Neil shoves me back, pointing his finger in my face, Don't be so selfish either. If you want to fuck things up more, go ahead, because I'm done helping you. But if you're going to be smart for once, I suggest taking my advice."

"And what's that, huh? Continuing living as if this is Groundhog Day, instead of trying to find a way out to stop it forever?" I reply sarcastically. "Maybe if you actually changed it up, it would end!"

"There's nothing I can do, Neil. Dark has to kill me in order for us to merge, it's up to him to change it." Sighing, I stand up. Neil flips me off and goes back into the room where dad is laying while I go back to the car, putting the address of the motel into my phone.

***  
"Maybe you should try killing me this time." Dark suggests, pouring way too many packets of sugar into his coffee. He's already close to vibrating out of his skin from nerves, knowing we shouldn't be back here.

"I'm too weak. It wouldn't work." I dismiss. "I wouldn't fight back, it would be easy. All you have to do is break the mirror. I'll suffocate and we'll merge, or some shit."

He tests the coffee, screwing his face up and adding another sugar packet. "There has to be another way." I mumble. "We're running out of time here. Either let's go and try it, and worse case scenario, we don't get another try, or suffer forever."

***  
This time, the oxygen is counting down by itself, and I haven't even moved yet. "Come on, Lighty." Dark taunts from the other side of the mirror, grinning manically.

I roll my eyes, almost too lazy to try. Sure, I want to just get it over and done with, but we've been here, done that, and wound up right back here the next time. Attempting suicide doesn't work, we've tried, but how about the medication route?

Except Dark is already throwing stuff around in his room, so I shove the idea in the back of my mind to try the next time - If there  _is_ a next time.

I just have to break the mirror, right? So I pick up a chair and throw it at the glass. Except it bounces back so violently it's as if a poltergeist had grabbed it and threw it at me, and I get pinned to the floor with a groan.

Somehow, it only makes Dark angrier, and I can see him silently screaming for me to hit the mirror harder. Getting up, I try again, but I just get slammed back even more violently.

The oxygen is displaying 35% and flashing red, and Dark is fumbling with the lighter, trying to set the paper on fire like last time. I try the mirror again, but all that happens is I fly across the room once more and the oxygen bumps down to 25%.

When I manage to get up again, slower this time as my body is beginning to ache, I hear a loud crack. Everything in here is supposed to be silent and my gaze jerks over to the shattering mirror and Dark's bloody fists relentlessly punching it.

The oxygen screen is off now and I crumble to the floor, spluttering for air but not finding any. Dark hops through the mirror, broken glass crunching under his steps and slams a boot into my kidneys before collapsing next to me.

This time I wake up in darkness. I'm starting to think it worked, everything is finally going to function properly, but then it's too bright and I'm gasping for air again and I can hear a baby crying somewhere in the room. "Congratulations, Mrs Lambert. You have healthy twin baby boys."

_**The End** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!! i hope you enjoyed :)


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